IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people believe using modern technology (digital photographs, blogs) is the best way to record and remember important personal events. Others think the traditional method (making photo albums, writing diaries) is better. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

It is hard to deny that traditional
method
Fix the agreement mistake
methods
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,
such
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 as，making photo albums and writing diaries lock up more significance. to illustrate, since those items are made in person, they are equipped with personal characteristics.
However
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,
such
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 a statement
suffer
Correct subject-verb agreement
suffers
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 from both logical and factual fallacies ,and it should be examined meticulously.As far as economy 、social communication and globalization are concerned ,I strongly hold that the digital version does have its edges
especially
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,especially
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 for those users who desire to
share
Use synonyms
 memories with others.
This
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 is mainly because modern technology
have
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has
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 brought much convenience to satisfy their demands.
First
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 and foremost ，nowadays, more and more people are
internet
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 natives, and they want a platform which can
share
Use synonyms
 their daily life and gain a sense of identity.To be more specific ,recording people’s daily life on the
Internet
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have
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has
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become a way of socializing, and if you want to integrate well into modern society, well participation in
Internet
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 socializing is very necessary .
Furthermore
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 ,taking full advantage of the colossal storage capacity and the fast travelling speed on the
Internet
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, netizens can not only recall their memories whenever they want but
also
Linking Words
share
Use synonyms
 their digital albums and blogs on social media, which facilitates them to win a large number of ‘hearts’ and followers and
thus
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 enhance their sense of self-esteem. At the same time ,
activity
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the activity
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 level of online social can
also
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 reverse
development
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the development
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 of the national economy feeding ,As
it
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apply
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calculated by the China
Internet
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 Information Center ,as of June of
this
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 year，the size of China's
Internet
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 users is 1.051 billion, and the
Internet
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 penetration rate reaches 74.4%.The emerging economic model of social e-commerce is booming
development
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in development
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 .
Internet
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celebrity
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celebrities
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 can sell
goods
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 through their own net flow and popularity.
Last
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 E-Commerce Promotion Day，It
selling
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sold
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 up to $20 billion in
goods
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 through
social
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the social
a social
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network
Fix the agreement mistake
networks
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.Social sales take up 60%
share
Use synonyms
 of total e-commerce sales.
netizen
Fix the agreement mistake
netizens
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 can sell
goods
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 by sharing
goods
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.The
Internet
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 gives the general public more open and free opportunities to earn more income ，
Also
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 increased the tax
to
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on
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 the country.
this
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 phenomenon increases the diversity of the national economic system.and more revenue is added to the GDP of China. Some
individual
Fix the agreement mistake
individuals
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who
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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claim
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claims
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 that it is not safe to
share
Use synonyms
 private information on the
internet
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，which can compromise privacy and cause unnecessary property. Ironically,
This
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 is really an objective situation，But
such
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 cases are so rare that we cannot deny them generalize from one side to the other.
Linking Words
Also
Add a comma
,Also
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such
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 problems can be avoided via setting access codes.
Therefore
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, modern technology
have
Change the verb form
has
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bringing
Change the verb form
brought
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 many benefits rather than
record
Replace the word
recording
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 people’s life.
At
Change the preposition
In
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 the end，each coin has two sides，depending on
the
Correct article usage
apply
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personal consideration.But.from my point of view ,I must say there are many benefits to documenting our lives in a modern way.

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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