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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

What distinguishes young people from their parents' or grandparents' generation is a lack of physical exercise. Today's generation are spending far too long playing computer games, chatting aimlessly on social networking sites or simply watching TV, and too little time being active. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #parents #grandparents #generation #lack #exercise #computer #games #sites #tv #time
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It’s true that modern
people
Use synonyms
 have become lazier than their ancestors. The vital importance of making exercises on a daily basis has faded away.
People
Use synonyms
 prefer relaxing at home over going to the gym. I completely agree with
this
Linking Words
 statement, as we are living in
the
Correct article usage
a
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 world where you can get absolutely everything without going out. At the outset, there are
a
Correct article usage
apply
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numerous
number of
Correct quantifier usage
apply
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reasons why human physical activity has decreased, but the most important
one
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 is on the surface and
this
Linking Words
 is technology. The whole industry encourages our children to lead
sedentary
Add an article
a sedentary
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lifestyle
Fix the agreement mistake
lifestyles
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,
for instance
Linking Words
 sitting in front of the computer playing different video games. Youtube offers the chance to sit and watch
one
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 programme after the
next
Linking Words
one
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 without
stop
Wrong verb form
stopping
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, you can even watch the whole tv show season
at
Change preposition
in
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one
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 day. Another example, a century ago there
was
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were
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 no remote controls which are used to switch the channels,
although
Linking Words
 today
people
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 can do everything without getting up, just moving
one
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 finger.
Consequently
Linking Words
, with fewer gyms and too many technological facilities, sickness and obesity have been killing many around the world.
Secondly
Linking Words
, physical activities were widespread in comparison with now.
For instance
Linking Words
, big
corporation
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corporations
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 and companies even used to pay
Change preposition
for sport
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sport
Change the noun form
sports
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 classes like aerobics, yoga or Pilates for their employees. Nowadays as we can see the majority of jobs require mental abilities,
the
Correct word choice
and the
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pass
Change the verb form
passing
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 time has switched to team computer gaming which is replacing
practicing
Change the spelling
practising
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 sports. To summarize, young
people
Use synonyms
 today are less active and
that is
Linking Words
 definitely something that we should be concerned about. It would be wrong to put all the blame on technology, as
the
Correct article usage
apply
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progress is always good, but we should do our best and the government must introduce some obligor=tory activities for youngsters in order to improve the situation.
Submitted by riveraeka55 on

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