IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people think that being vegetarians is harmful for our health. Do you agree or disagree?

#people #vegetarians #health
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Nowadays, it has become increasingly widespread to be vegetarian, and there is a debate about whether it is harmful to health or not.
Although
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 it may seem that being a vegetarian is positive,
however
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, I believe that in long-term review, it can lead to damaging consequences. On the one hand, keeping a healthy lifestyle by eating only fruits and vegetables can offer a great deal of benefits ranging from less heart disease to weight control. Since
meat
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 may trigger serious diseases
such
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 as chronic and infectious illnesses,
due to
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this
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 development many people are choosing to avoid
meat
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 and everything related to it.
For example
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, recent studies have found that in most cases epidemics like COVID-19 and plague occur because of infection which comes from raw
meat
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 to our organism,
therefore
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, all these factors have a fundamental impact on how people represent
meat
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 and being vegetarian
as a result
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.
On the other hand
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, the importance of
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 is underrated in most cultures and societies, though it is full of vital vitamins and minerals, making
meat
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 essential for both mental and physical well-being.
While
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 many people choose to be vegetarian, It is not recommended to fully eliminate
meat
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 from the diet, since there can be found a great deal of protein, which is fundamental for recovery and strength in order to stay active and energetic during the day.
Thus
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, It is crucial for the public to consume
meat
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 on a daily basis,
otherwise
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, it can lead bad immune system, less persistent organisms and less energy as a whole. In conclusion, by taking both sides into account, correctly prepared
meat
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 is an indispensable part of the regular diet, sudden rejection from it can lead to devastating outcomes, meaning that being vegetarian is harmful to both mental and physical health.
Submitted by makemoneyizzy16 on

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task achievement
Try to present both sides of the argument more evenly. While your position is clear, the essay should more explicitly recognize and address why some people might believe that vegetarianism is not harmful. This balance will improve your task response.
task achievement
Ensure that your main points are elaborated with adequate evidence or examples. Consider adding additional studies or expert opinions to support your viewpoints.
coherence cohesion
Work on connecting your ideas more fluently. While you generally follow a clear structure, some transitions between points can be smoother to enhance the reader’s understanding.
coherence cohesion
Make sure each paragraph focuses on a single clear point, supported by evidence. This will enhance clarity and make your ideas easy to follow.
coherence cohesion
You have a clear structure with a distinct introduction and conclusion, laying out your argument effectively.
task achievement
Good understanding of the topic and the ability to present a stance.
task achievement
The essay contains relevant points about health benefits and risks, showing balanced consideration of the argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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