IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

Many high street shops have gone out of business in recent years. Why do you think this has happened? Is it a possitive or negative development?

#street #shops #business #years #possitive #development
The
chart
 provides us with the results of a survey, about buying and drinking habits of
coffee
 and tea by
people
 in five Australian cities. With the help of the
chart
Add a comma
,chart
show examples
 we can see that
people
 were less
Correct your spelling
interested
intersted
Correct your spelling
interested
 in buying fresh
coffee
 in the 5 cities and were more inclined towards drinking
coffee
 or tea from a
cafe
. And in
Adelaide
Add a comma
,Adelaide
show examples
 the fashion of buying
instant
coffee
 is more than
Correct your spelling
visiting
visting
Correct your spelling
visiting
 a
cafe
. From the bar
chart
 one can clearly see that in some cities like
sydney
Change the capitalization
Sydney
show examples
,
melbourne
Change the capitalization
Melbourne
show examples
 and
hobart
Change the capitalization
Hobart
show examples
,
percentage
Correct article usage
the percentage
show examples
 of
people
 visiting
cafe
 were higher than 60
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
, with
melbourne
Change the capitalization
Melbourne
show examples
 being the highest. From
sydney
Change the capitalization
Sydney
show examples
 to
brisbane
Change the capitalization
Brisbane
show examples
 we can see that there has been a
Correct your spelling
consistent
consistant
Correct your spelling
consistent
 increase in
percentage
Add an article
the percentage
show examples
 of
people
 buying
instant
coffee
, with
sydney
Change the capitalization
Sydney
show examples
 being the lowest in
chart
Correct article usage
the chart
show examples
 slightly greater than 45% to
melbourne
Change the capitalization
Melbourne
show examples
 being slightly less than 50
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
 and
brisbane
Change the capitalization
Brisbane
show examples
 being the
second
 highest in
chart
Add an article
the chart
a chart
show examples
 with
percentage
Add an article
a percentage
show examples
 between 50 to 55
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
. Hobart have seen the highest number of individual buying
instant
coffee
being
Unnecessary verb
apply
show examples
sightly
Correct your spelling
slightly
show examples
 less than 55
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
. Talking about buying fresh
coffee
,
people
 were not
to
Correct your spelling
too
show examples
 keen on it
Change the capitalization
Sydney
show examples
sydney
Change preposition
from sydney
show examples
 to
adelaide
Change the capitalization
Adelaide
show examples
, one can see
drop
Add an article
a drop
the drop
show examples
on
Change preposition
in
show examples
 the percentages of
people
 buying fresh
coffee
 with
hobart
Change the capitalization
Hobart
show examples
 showing some small increment. In
Sydney
Add a comma
,Sydney
show examples
 we can observe the highest
percentage
 of
people
 buying fresh
coffee
 being slightly less than 45
percent
Change the spelling
per cent
show examples
. So as we can see
people
 were more inclined on visiting
Add an article
a cafe
show examples
cafe
Fix the agreement mistake
cafes
show examples
 for
coffee
 or tea. They showed some interest in buying
instant
coffee
 but hardly showed any trust in buying fresh
coffee
.
Submitted by aryanyadav4709 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: