Some people argued that technological inventions, such as mobile phone, are making people socially less interactive. Do you agree or disagree?

#people #inventions #phone

Using mobile phones as a technological device has become increasingly

Correct word choice

common in

show examples

recent years . Some people believe that

this

tendency can reduce real-human interactions. In my opinion, I completely agree with

this

view and think that the excessive use of mobile phones may be one of the

most

Fix the agreement mistake

main

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reasons for a decrease in real

relations

Replace the word

relationships

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Firstly

, the public tends to connect with their friends and families via mobile calls

Rephrase

apply

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In other words

, the ease and convenience of communication between the population in any place where there are and at all times encourage the population to use

this

device rather than in-person communication.

For example

instead

of driving a car or taking public transportation in order to meet friends in a coffee or restaurant, individuals can make their calls and

video

Fix the agreement mistake

videos

show examples

via apps on smartphones comfortably and effortlessly.

That is

why people tend to prefer more online socializing .

Secondly

, the smartphone provides humans with the possibility to practice many cheaper and individual leisures. To put it simply, these technological devices help people to entertain cheaply and individually

such

as video games and movies.

For instance

, adults prefer to watch movies in their

home

Fix the agreement mistake

homes

show examples

vis

Correct your spelling

via

show examples

this

gadget comfortably and cheaply rather than going to the cinema with friends.

As a result

, society will become more dependent on individual and virtual activities, and

therefore

face-to-face meetings will be decreased. In conclusion, I strongly believe that the new technological gadgets

real-human

Correct your spelling

are

show examples

real-human interactions because

Correct pronoun usage

they

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offers

Correct subject-verb agreement

offer

show examples

the ease and convenience of communication and

provides

Correct subject-verb agreement

provide

show examples

many virtual individual leisures.

Submitted by mosumi431985 on Wed Sep 21 2022

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Task Response

Ensure that your essay fully addresses the prompt and provides a clear stance on the issue. Develop your ideas with relevant and specific examples to support your arguments.

Coherence and Cohesion

Work on organizing your ideas in a more coherent and cohesive manner. Use linking words and phrases to connect your ideas and ensure a clear progression of thought throughout the essay.

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11Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
0Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
11Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

258 words

4.00

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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