Some people think that dangerous sport should be banned while others believe that people should be free to choose.Discuss both views and give your opinion

Why it is thought
by
Change preposition
apply
show examples
certain individuals that sporting activities that
have
Verb problem
involve
show examples
danger
involved
Verb problem
apply
show examples
should be abandoned I
also
endorse the aforementioned statement
while
others believe they should have the freedom to make their own
choice
Fix the agreement mistake
choices
show examples
. Both sides will be discussed in the essay below with relevant examples.
To begin
with, a ban should be imposed on the sports that are dangerous as when people try their hands on these movements, they might not be aware of the threat involved;
hence
, making themselves land in dilemmas that might be harmful to their lives.
For example
,
while
performing scuba diving, if the pressure below the
sea-bed
Correct your spelling
sea bed
show examples
increases and the person is not able to withstand that
then
, he/she may fall into the situation of bends
along with
some respiratory issues.
Moreover
, there are times when all cautious measures are taken to avoid any mishappenings but uncertain circumstances
such
as bad weather or sudden currents in the water during a water sport can bring worse conditions of breathlessness, increased heart rate, and much more in the above cases.
However
, it is felt by a few individuals that they should have the freedom to decide on the sporting exercise that they want to perform as various personalities believe in trying things out of their zone of comfort and bestowing themselves the chance to challenge themselves.
For instance
, one acquaintance of mine wished to fly in a hot air balloon from a slanted cliff of a mountain which was considered unsafe but he wanted to test himself and experience it. Notwithstanding
this
trend, I think these difficult sporty tasks should be prohibited. In a nutshell, howbeit, In my and some humans' point, vehement sporting actions should be stopped by regulating them as they might be risky to the life of many individuals,
nevertheless
, others opine that they should be free to make their own choice as they are the best evaluators of what they wish to try in their lives.
Submitted by mosumi431985 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Task Response
Task Response: The essay addresses both views on the topic but lacks depth and clarity. The arguments are not well-developed and the examples provided are not fully relevant.
Coherence and Cohesion
Coherence and Cohesion: The essay has a basic logical structure and presents an introduction and conclusion. However, the supporting points are not well connected, and the progression of ideas is unclear at times.
Lexical Resource
Lexical Resource: The essay demonstrates a sufficient range of vocabulary, but there are some inaccuracies and awkward phrasings. More precise and varied vocabulary is needed to enhance the quality of expression.
Grammatical Range
Grammatical Range: The essay shows a reasonable range of grammatical structures, but there are errors in sentence structure, verb tense, and word choice. More attention to grammatical accuracy is required.
What to do next:
Look at other essays: