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Band 5.5

Fo many people the reason they work hard is to earn money . to what extent do you agree or disagree?

#fo #people #reason #work #money
It is an undeniable fact that in
this
 modern world
people
work
 hard and most
people
 believe that to get earn more
money
 is the main reason . I partly agree with the given statement and the reasons for my inclination are articulated in the upcoming paragraph .
To begin
 with ,
money
 plays a significant role in everyone's life .Nowadays,
people
work
 hard in their field ,not because of
money
 but
they
Correct word choice
because they
show examples
 can get qualitative life .
For example
, many companies give rewards in terms of home , a car and education of children of employers.
Thus
 ,
people
 are encouraged to
work
 hard in their job. It is
also
 debatable that rewards are
also
 important in the field of
work
 as they improve
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
confidence in employers. On the other side, there are many reasons why
masses
Correct article usage
the masses
show examples
work
 hard on jobs. Some
people
 ,
who
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
have passion for their job and they always try to give their best in the
work
 as they feel satisfied and confident with tasks they complete successfully . Another reason to support my ideology is that
,
Remove the comma
apply
show examples
many
people
work
 hard for promotion
also
 and that
also
 leads to
the
Correct article usage
a
show examples
 better professional life . As well
As
Correct word choice
apply
show examples
, many of them believe that in
this
 era of cut-throat competition the best performance stands as the epitome. In conclusion , many
people
work
 hard due to several reasons . I partly agree with the given point that
money
 is an important factor in the level of working hard and
also
 believe that self-confidence and passion
also
 require for the betterment of growth .
Submitted by Harsh prajapati  on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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