IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Advertising of junk food should be banned. Do you agree?

#junk #food
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The main strategy of attraction for
junk
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food
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 companies is advertising. Whether it be TV commercials or just posters on the wall, it attracts consumers
everyday
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every day
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. Fast
food
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 companies continue to use
this
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 method of advertising as they know it works. Considering the
health
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 issues caused by
junk
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food
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, should
this
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 type of advertising be allowed?
Junk
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food
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 causes many
health
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 issues including obesity,
heart
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and heart
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 and stomach problems. And even still
people
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 eat it. Worst of all, it's mostly popular among teenagers and young
people
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 in general.
People
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 that don't have a lot of free time on their hands to cook
everyday
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every day
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 or not
enough
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have enough
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 education to understand the serious repercussions of consuming
junk
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food
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. Kids and teenagers are exposed to fast
food
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 advertising
everyday
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every day
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 and it is a serious problem. Parents have a hard job
of
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apply
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educating their kids on
food
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choice
Fix the agreement mistake
choices
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. Young
people
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 are naive and just don't know any better than to choose a fast and tasty meal, over a healthy and
hard to find
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hard-to-find
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 one. These are the reasons why banning unhealthy
food
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 commercials would result in a positive increase
of
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in
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 teenagers'
health
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.
However
Linking Words
, it would
also
Linking Words
 result in a lot of
people
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 losing their jobs, companies bankrupting,
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people
Correct word choice
and people
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 losing the freedom of choice. We live in a democratic country and it should be run based on the democratic ideology which includes freedom of choice.
People
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 should be able to choose what they eat. Parents have to educate their children on healthy
food
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. It might very well be that the
health
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 issues of young
people
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 caused by
junk
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food
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is
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are
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 more of a result of bad parenting than anything else. You could
also
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 make the argument that advertising
of
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apply
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gambling is way more dangerous, and results in far more ruined lives than a fast meal. All in all, considering both sides of the argument, banning the advertising of
junk
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food
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 is simply not the right thing to do.
Submitted by oimigle on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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