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Band 4

Advertising of junk food should be banned. Do you agree?

#junk #food
The main strategy of attraction for
junk
food
 companies is advertising. Whether it be TV commercials or just posters on the wall, it attracts consumers
everyday
Replace the word
every day
show examples
. Fast
food
 companies continue to use
this
 method of advertising as they know it works. Considering the
health
 issues caused by
junk
food
, should
this
 type of advertising be allowed?
Junk
food
 causes many
health
 issues including obesity,
heart
Correct word choice
and heart
show examples
 and stomach problems. And even still
people
 eat it. Worst of all, it's mostly popular among teenagers and young
people
 in general.
People
 that don't have a lot of free time on their hands to cook
everyday
Replace the word
every day
show examples
 or not
enough
Add a missing verb
have enough
show examples
 education to understand the serious repercussions of consuming
junk
food
. Kids and teenagers are exposed to fast
food
 advertising
everyday
Replace the word
every day
show examples
 and it is a serious problem. Parents have a hard job
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
educating their kids on
food
choice
Fix the agreement mistake
choices
show examples
. Young
people
 are naive and just don't know any better than to choose a fast and tasty meal, over a healthy and
hard to find
Add a hyphen
hard-to-find
show examples
 one. These are the reasons why banning unhealthy
food
 commercials would result in a positive increase
of
Change preposition
in
show examples
 teenagers'
health
.
However
, it would
also
 result in a lot of
people
 losing their jobs, companies bankrupting,
people
Correct word choice
and people
show examples
 losing the freedom of choice. We live in a democratic country and it should be run based on the democratic ideology which includes freedom of choice.
People
 should be able to choose what they eat. Parents have to educate their children on healthy
food
. It might very well be that the
health
 issues of young
people
 caused by
junk
food
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 more of a result of bad parenting than anything else. You could
also
 make the argument that advertising
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
gambling is way more dangerous, and results in far more ruined lives than a fast meal. All in all, considering both sides of the argument, banning the advertising of
junk
food
 is simply not the right thing to do.
Submitted by oimigle on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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