Today’s children are living under more pressure from the society than children in the past. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

The current competitive
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The spelling of labor is a non-British variant. For consistency, consider replacing it with the British English spelling.

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market has resulted in a drastic increase in the amount of pressure from both schools and parents leading to enhanced stress levels
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It appears that you are missing a comma or two with the interrupter particularly among. Consider adding the comma(s).

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among preadolescents and adolescents.
has been evidenced by a recent study published by the
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The University

Your article usage with the geographic name University of Toronto may be incorrect.

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of Toronto
Wrong verb form

It appears that your sentence or clause uses an incorrect form of the verb concluding. Consider changing it.

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that over the past half a century, the number of Canadian teenagers suffering from anxiety and depression
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It seems that the verb has does not agree with the subject. Consider changing the verb form.

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increased by approximately 25%. The modern pace of scientific invention, innovation and discovery has contributed to a significant increase in the
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It appears that the quantifier the amount does not fit with the countable noun efforts. Consider changing the quantifier or the noun.

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Fix the agreement mistake

It seems that efforts may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

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required by the current generation of children to invest in learning the latest technological developments.
As a result
, the modern child is confronted by the constant challenge of updating and upgrading their skills to keep up with these incessant changes. Based on a recent survey by
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Science Weekly magazine, over the
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a past

The noun phrase past quarter century seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article.

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quarter century, the pace of technological development especially in the field of computer science has doubled affecting the school curriculum and increasing the pressure on students around the world.
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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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