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Band 4

What is homelessness? And what you think about the reasons of for people having home less

#homelessness #people #home
homelessness
 was already a considerable social issue that
exist
Wrong verb form
existed
show examples
 for long periods in society. most
peoples
Fix the agreement mistake
people
show examples
 tend to believe the idea of poverty and unemployment are the main factors that cause
people
 to become homeless. In other aspects,
homelessness
 could
also
 be
due to
 war between countries or opposite political parties as it directly causes actual damage to
people
Change noun form
people's
show examples
 living environments without taking any responsibility. To begins with, many professors of human behaviour strongly suggest the notion of
homelessness
 is mostly
due to
 long terms of poverty and fewer job opportunities which eventually makes those groups of peoples unable to pay that huge amount of money that came from pretty houses or stable apartment.
overall
, those statements directly show a few particular reasons why some
peoples
Fix the agreement mistake
people
show examples
 have a homeless issue.
On the other hand
, many professional talents on
global
Correct article usage
the global
show examples
 effects of conflict clearly mention that warfare between countries and political parties is actually bringing a lot of negative impacts inside the country or city, and
homeless
Correct word choice
homelessness is
show examples
 the most serious consequence that comes with war.
Furthermore
, it might screw up many
people
's lives as their home just suddenly becomes nothing.
As a result
, how to stop and reduce the conflicts between nations would be the first thing that needs to
discuss
Wrong verb form
be discussed
show examples
if society is looking for the most effective and efficient solution to
homelessness
.
To conclude
, the factors make
people
 homeless can be related to many different aspects
such
 as living environment,financial background and any other reasons which result in them losing the ability to supply
them
Correct pronoun usage
themselves
show examples
 self a pretty apartment that located in a prosperous city.
Submitted by stevenhuang9510 on

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task response
The essay contains some relevant points, but the response to the task is not fully complete. The argument is not well developed and lacks depth.
coherence cohesion
The introduction and conclusion are present, but they lack clarity and do not effectively frame the discussion. The overall structure of the essay is disjointed and lacks cohesion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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