IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5

People find their life more and more dominated by their job. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #life #job
Although
 the world has
ample
Correct article usage
an ample
show examples
 amount of natural resources,
but
Remove the conjunction
apply
show examples
nothing is free. Individual
life
 is totally dependent upon their employment; how much
money
 they earn, how much
money
 they spend, and how much
money
 they save, which help them to survive in
this
 world, and
consequently
, their
work
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
 more control
on
Change preposition
over
show examples
 their
life
. I completely agree with the above statement because intense
work
 and healthy
life
 are interrelated. I elucidate my stand in the following paragraphs with some examples. To commence with, the
first
 and predominant reason to support
this
 concept is that to live a healthy
Correct your spelling
lifestyle
show examples
life style
Correct your spelling
lifestyle
show examples
 you need a job. Not everybody is wealthy by birth,
mass
Add an article
the mass
show examples
 majority of
people
 have to
work
 really hard to earn
money
Fix the infinitive
to fulfill
show examples
fulfill
Change the spelling
fulfil
show examples
 their family's basic needs
such
 as nutritious food, better education for children, future
saving
Fix the agreement mistake
savings
show examples
 etc.
Therefore
,
there
Replace the word
their
show examples
life
 is
bit
Correct article usage
a bit
show examples
imbalance
Correct your spelling
imbalanced
show examples
,
otherwise
Add a comma
,otherwise
show examples
 they will struggle. To exemplify, we can consider poor
people
 who do not
any
Add a missing verb
have any
show examples
 source of income and
Correct your spelling
could not
couldn't
couldnot
Correct your spelling
could not
 even afford food for themselves.
Furthermore
, many
people
 want to live
luxurious
Add an article
a luxurious
show examples
life
 and I personally think, they must
do
Correct pronoun usage
itdo
show examples
. Unfortunately, they are unable to due to their job limitation. Let me put it another way, if
people
 are working 40 hours a week to
fulfill
Change the spelling
fulfil
show examples
 their basic
need
Fix the agreement mistake
needs
show examples
,
then
 why should not they
work
 for 50 hours a week to enhance their living
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
standard
Fix the agreement mistake
standards
show examples
.
Change the punctuation
?
show examples
 In conclusion, I recapitulate that there are innumerable supporting arguments that clearly indicate that
people
's
life
 is totally dominated by their
work
, not
Correct your spelling
because
becasue
Correct your spelling
because
 they want to but to improve their standard of living.
Therefore
, I strongly agree with
presented
Add an article
the presented
show examples
 statement.
Submitted by ishantkesar on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: