Some people think that men and women have different qualities. Therefore, some jobs are suitable for men and some jobs are suitable for women. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

It is hard to deny that building public
libraries
cost a lot, and there are many opportunity costs for
government’s
Correct article usage
the government’s

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

show examples
limited budget.
Such
a fact leads impressionable
people
to generate
opinion
Correct article usage
the opinion

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

show examples
that government should not spend money on establishing
libraries
.
However
,
such
a statement should be examined meticulously. As far as education, equality and
economy
Correct article usage
the economy

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

show examples
are concerned, I strongly hold that
libraries
play a critical role in many aspects of our society.
First
and foremost,
libraries
could raise the education level of
the
Correct article usage
apply

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

show examples
society. They enable
people
to access more accurate and professional knowledge from
books
and magazines that are written by professionals.
Books
and magazines have a more formal and complex publication process, which means they usually had been read and corrected before being published.
In contrast
, the internet allows anybody to upload their own writing that
do
Change the verb form
does

The plural verb do does not appear to agree with the singular subject their own writing. Consider changing the verb form for subject-verb agreement.

show examples
not require much thought,
thus
people
might be misguided by them.
Therefore
,
encourage
Wrong verb form
encouraging

It appears that your sentence or clause uses an incorrect form of the verb encourage. Consider changing it.

show examples
people
to read
books
from
libraries
is a much better way to raise
people
’s standards of literacy.
Furthermore
, public
libraries
also
provide a quiet environment for
people
to read without charging, which can not be offered by
internet
Add an article
the internet

The noun phrase internet seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article.

show examples
.
This
is particularly important for disadvantaged students who could not have their own study space at home. Studying in an environment away from
noises
Fix the agreement mistake
noise

It seems that noises may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

show examples
could help them to be more concentrated and
thus
improve their academic performances, which increase their possibilities of getting well-paid jobs in the future.
Besides
, families that could not afford
buying
Change the verb form
to buy

The verb afford is usually followed by the to-infinitive, not by a gerund. Change buying to the to-infinitive form.

show examples
books
could borrow them from
libraries
freely.
Therefore
, free public
libraries
have positive
impacts
Fix the agreement mistake
impact

It seems that impacts may not agree in number with other words in this phrase.

show examples
on narrowing the gap between the rich and the poor.
Nonetheless
, a voice arises that spending money to construct
libraries
is a waste.
This
viewpoint ignores the reality that
libraries
would bring us many financial benefits.
Although
libraries
are expensive to build and money
spending
Replace the word
spent

The word spending doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

show examples
on education usually seems
like
Change preposition
apply

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

show examples
less influential than those
spending
Replace the word
spent

The word spending doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

show examples
on healthcare, the impacts of
this
expenditure should be massive in
Correct article usage
the long-term

It seems that there is an article usage problem here.

show examples
long-term
Correct your spelling
long term

The word long-term doesn’t seem to fit this context. Consider replacing it with a different one.

show examples
. When citizens are better educated, the rate of conflicts and crimes would decrease as
people
become more peaceful and tolerant.
In addition
, gaining more knowledge usually enables workers to become more productive and
make
Correct subject-verb agreement
makes

It seems that the verb make does not agree with the subject. Consider changing the verb form.

show examples
entrepreneurs
to
Change the verb form
apply

It appears that the verb to become should be in the bare infinitive form. Consider removing to from in front of this verb.

show examples
become more intelligent.
This
could increase the efficiency
in
Change preposition
of

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

show examples
a country’s economy and
thus
generate economic growth. In conclusion, I believe that
although
information could be accessed through
internet
Add an article
the internet

The noun phrase internet seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article.

show examples
, free public
libraries
are still essential in today’s world.
Submitted by Yanjun-du on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Improve your IELTS writing score within two weeks
After you write your essay, you will be provided with tips with examples of how to make your essay better in order to get a score above 7.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Read more in the eBook

The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »

* free ebook for Premium users

What to do next:
Look at other essays:
Checks your essay in seconds
After you write your essay, you will be provided with tips with examples of how to make your essay better in order to get a score above 7.