IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people think that parents should teach children how to be good members of society. Others ,however, Believe that school is the place to learn this. Discussion both these views and give your own opinion.

#people #parents #children #members #society #school #place #discussion
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
In the present age, whether
parents
Use synonyms
 or schools should be a good
coach
Fix the agreement mistake
coaches
show examples
 to educate the kids to be
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
good
member
Fix the agreement mistake
members
show examples
 of society has sparked much debate. Some people assert that
parents
Use synonyms
 should be
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
good
tutors
Correct the article-noun agreement
tutor
show examples
 to make a child socially active, whereas many others argue that
school
Use synonyms
 is the place where it offers the kids better social
skills
Use synonyms
 for their future. I am in favour of the
first
Linking Words
 view. To start with,
parents
Use synonyms
 play an important role to keep a kid socially active. Since ,childhood a toddler starts to copy their
parents
Use synonyms
such
Linking Words
 as they copy their behaviour, way of talking etc.
Parents
Use synonyms
 act as a root of a child
therefore
Linking Words
parents
Use synonyms
 should teach a kid about responsibility, respect, politeness, kindness etc from their childhood.
As a
Linking Words
result
Add a comma
,result
show examples
 they gain the ability to communicate with others when they
first
Linking Words
 attend
school
Use synonyms
 and they can obey their teachers and make friends easily.
For instance
Linking Words
, a survey at Oxford
School
Use synonyms
 reveals that 78% of students who are previously educated about social rules and regulations by their
parents
Use synonyms
 are more socially active.
Moreover
Linking Words
,
school
Use synonyms
 is a place which provides a more comprehensive learning environment for children. In an academy students have more chance to communicate with each other,
as a
Linking Words
result
Add a comma
,result
show examples
 it improves their problem-solving
skills
Use synonyms
, social
skills
Use synonyms
 etc. The manners they are taught by
parents
Use synonyms
, the
school
Use synonyms
 provides kids with a real-life scenario.
For example
Linking Words
, sociology is one of the compulsory subjects which children need to study at
school
Use synonyms
 or even college. In my opinion, children's social
skills
Use synonyms
 depend on the values instilled in them by their
parents
Use synonyms
.
Therefore
Linking Words
,
parents
Use synonyms
 hold more substantial sway over their offspring than in academic places.
For example
Linking Words
, New York Times published a journal
in
Change preposition
apply
show examples
last
Linking Words
 month that without the support of
parents
Use synonyms
 it is totally impossible for a
school
Use synonyms
 to make a child socially active. In conclusion,
parents
Use synonyms
 play a more important role than an academic place which provides comprehensive learning for offspring. The manners that the
parents
Use synonyms
 teach
Correct your spelling
children
childrens
Correct your spelling
children
show examples
 and teachers teach them in
school
Use synonyms
 together make them
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
better people.
Submitted by upoma45 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: