IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

which dou you think is more important achieving success or remaining happy and optimistic even when you fail

Today, we are living in
a
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an
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 increasingly competitive society. Students strive to get high marks to get enrolled in prestigious universities, while employees compete in the fierce career market. Some
people
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 believe that
success
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 matters most. The opponents suggest that maintaining
happy
Add an article
a happy
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 and positive
attitude
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 is a better
Correct your spelling
option
position
opition
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option
 to deal with
failure
Use synonyms
. From my perspective,
optimisim
Correct your spelling
optimism
 towards
failure
Use synonyms
 should be valued more than
success
Use synonyms
.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, keeping
opitimistic
Correct your spelling
optimistic
 in the case of
failure
Use synonyms
 is beneficial for mental health and overall well-being. Many
people
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 become depressed when they failed to achieve their goals.
Consequently
Linking Words
, they lose
interests
Fix the agreement mistake
interest
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 in daily life and have frequent conflicts with others. Some even develop depression
whey
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when
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 they suffer from frustrations in the workplace.
For example
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, one of my classmates failed an important exam in high school. She became depressed and even tried to commit suicide. Fortunately, her parent sent her immediately to the hospital, and her condition improved tremendously after timely treatment. An optimistic
attitude
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towards
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toward
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failure
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 will serve as
mature
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a mature
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 and healthy responses, which will not cause
negative
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a negative
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 impact on
people
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’s health and happiness.
Furthermore
Linking Words
,
positive
Correct article usage
a positive
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attitude
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 will enable
people
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 to achieve
success
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 in the future. Under certain circumstances,
people
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 cannot guarantee to achieve their goals, and
failure
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 can be inevitable. Only when
people
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 maintain
optimistic
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optimism
show examples
 and make
continous
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continuous
 contributions can they achieve
success
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 ultimately. To illustrate, when I applied to graduate school
last
Linking Words
 year, I only received rejections in the
first
Linking Words
 month,
however
Linking Words
, I was not frustrated by the results. I took part in another
Correct your spelling
internship
intership
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internship
 to enrich my experience. I
also
Linking Words
 improved my application material and I sent applications to more universities.
Linking Words
Finally
Add a comma
,Finally
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 I was enrolled
to
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on
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 a renowned institution. Proper
attitude
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 and hard work will more likely
to
Fix the infinitive
apply
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lead to
success
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. In
Correct your spelling
conclusion
conlusion
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conclusion
, it is unlikely for
people
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 to always achieve
success
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. In the case of
failure
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, it is more important to maintain
happy
Add an article
a happy
show examples
 and optimistic
attitude
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.
People
Use synonyms
 should not put too much
emphasize
Replace the word
emphasis
show examples
 on the results,
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instead
Add a comma
,instead
show examples
 they should remain happy and positive even if they fail.
This
Linking Words
 mature response will enable them to live happily and they will be more likely to become successful.

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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