IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6

You should spend about 20 minutes on this task. Write about the following topic. Using a computer every day can have more negative than positive effects on your children. Do you agree or disagree? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. You should write at least 250 words

#minutes #topic #computer #effects #children
It is considered using a computer on daily basis has a more destructive than constructive effect on your child. I completely agree with
this
 notion due to the effect on
eyesight
 and obesity
level
 increase. To commence with, there are various reasons why using a screen has more negative than positive effects, out of which the most predominant is the effect on children's
eyesight
. To elaborate, many youngsters use a computer continuously without rest and they seem blurry vision and which causes weak
eyesight
. To cite an example, a headline from BBC(British Broadcasting Corporation) revealed that 70% of youngsters had weak
eyesight
 due to the blue light of computers.
Hence
, the blue light of computers may affect children's vision.
Further
 strengthening the view that obesity
level
 increase in many teenagers. To elucidate it, it can see very clearly in
this
 contemporary era majority of the teenager have obesity
level
 2 due to every day sitting in front of a screen and do not prefer to go to the gym.
For instance
, a survey conducted by the Indian government in 2017 found that 45% of youth had fat in their body due to sitting in front of a screen and eating food and did not prefer to do some exercise.
As a result
, sometimes computers create a bad impact on their health. To recapitulate, using a computer had destructive effects not only impact on
eyesight
 but
also
 on increasing the fat
level
 in children's bodies.
Submitted by Paramjeet Singh on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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