IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 8

Many manufactured food and drink products contain high levels of sugar, which causes many health problems. Sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar. Do you agree or disagree?

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Introduction
Sugar
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 has an irrefutable role in the level of
people
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's health, and it can be found in a lot of food or drink
products
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.
Therefore
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, making sugary
products
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 more expensive is a good way for reducing the consuming, but in my opinion, we should do some other things.
This
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 essay will mention some of those.
Body · 1
To begin
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 with, Consuming
sugar
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 more than needed could be very dangerous for human health.
That is
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 if
people
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 consume much
sugar
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, they will get different types of diseases (like diabetes), and it makes society unhealthy.
Therefore
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, the government should do serious things to prevent that.
For example
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, they should force the companies to use less
sugar
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 in their
products
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, and
also
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 make sugary
products
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 more expensive to stop
people
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 from buying those types of
products
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.
As a result
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, the government’s actions could be helpful.
Body · 2
Moreover
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,
people
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 are responsible for their health so they should take care of the foods or drinks which they eat.
In other words
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, not only the government should do something, but
also
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 individuals should do essential acts.
For example
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, the population should read more about healthy foods, and learn what kinds of foods could be bad or good for them.
Consequently
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, if they are reluctant to buy or consume sugary
products
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, the companies will reduce or even stop producing their sugary
products
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.
Conclusion
In conclusion, making sugary
products
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 more expensive is a useful way.
However
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, I think it does not enough, and it needs to collaborate with
people
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 to motivate the population to consume less
sugar
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 and eat healthy things.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • health problems
  • manufactured food and drink products
  • sugary products
  • excessive sugar consumption
  • discourage
  • promote
  • healthier choices
  • reduce
  • increased taxes
  • fund
  • health education
  • prevention programs
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