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Band 8

Today, in many countries, both women and men work full-time. Logically, women and men should share household tasks equally. To what extent do you agree or disagree？

#countries #women #men #work #household #tasks #disagree？
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Undoubtedly, with the rapid development of human rights, gender equality has become an essential aspect of modern society.
While
 some believe that
household
 chores should be equally shared between men and
women
, others argue that it is primarily a woman’s responsibility. From my perspective, I strongly support the former view for the reasons discussed below. Traditionally,
women
 have been expected to stay at home to care for children and manage
household
 tasks.
However
,
this
 limits their opportunities to develop professionally and demonstrate their skills.
For instance
, my mother has been a housewife for over 40 years, despite holding a postgraduate degree. Her talents were underutilized as she was fully occupied with raising two children. If housework were divided equally between both genders,
women
 would have more time to excel in their careers, resulting in greater professional and personal
fulfillment
Change the spelling
fulfilment
show examples
.
Moreover
,
women
’s rights are as important as men’s. In recent years, an increasing number of
women
 have taken on leadership roles, which often involve heavy responsibilities. Balancing full-time work with all
household
 chores can lead to severe stress and mental health issues.
According to
 a study conducted by National Taiwan University, over 40% of working
women
 experienced depression between 2010 and 2024
due to
 unequal distribution of domestic tasks. By sharing housework, families can foster a more supportive and equitable environment, reducing stress and improving
overall
 well-being. In conclusion, equal division of
household
 chores not only empowers
women
 to reach their potential but
also
 promotes healthier and more harmonious family dynamics. Governments and societies should encourage
this
 practice to achieve true gender equality.
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coherence cohesion
To further improve the logical flow, consider using more transitional phrases to smoothly guide the reader from one point to the next.
task achievement
Ensure every example provided is directly tied back to the main point it supports to maintain relevance and clarity.
coherence cohesion
The essay presents a well-structured argument with a clear introduction and conclusion, making it easy to follow.
task achievement
The task is fully addressed with a strong stance and relevant arguments.
task achievement
Solid examples are used to support the main argument effectively.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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