IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Some people believe that children should be made disciplined by making them obey rules and do what their parents and teachers want them to do. Others, however, believe that those children who are controlled are not well prepared to tackle the challenges life brings to them. Discuss both views and give your opinion. Give reasons for your answer and include relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience.

#people #children #rules #parents #teachers #challenges #life
Discipline plays a pivotal role in everybody's
life
. Some communities believe that offspring should follow rules and regulations in which they improve discipline in their
life
 by obeying their
parents
 and
teachers
;
However
, there
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 some
section
Fix the agreement mistake
sections
show examples
 of people who argue with
this
 matter and say that offspring who are controlled by their elders were not able to face the challenges in their future. In
this
 essay, I will discuss both
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
views and
also
 give my opinion on
this
 matter with some relevant examples. On the one side, Some communities say that offspring should follow rules and regulations to be
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
disciplined
person
Fix the agreement mistake
people
show examples
. In some countries,
teachers
 and
parents
 don't have any
rights
Fix the agreement mistake
right
show examples
 to punish their offspring; so,
children
 are taking
this
 thing
as
Change preposition
to
show examples
 their advantage and not obeying their elders. 1for
this
 reason, they kept some rules and regulations they will get disciple in
thier
Correct your spelling
their
life
.
For instance
, In the USA,
parents
 and
teachers
 are not allowed to punish their offspring physically; so they give homework and keep some deadlines to punish them. By following their
parents
 and
teachers
,
children
 can build their
life
 from their
life
 lessons.
This
 will
also
 help offspring to build discipline. On the other side, If
offsprings
Fix the agreement mistake
offspring
show examples
 are controlled by their elders they will not have the ability to handle problems in their
life
.
Parents
 restrict their offspring when they spend more time
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
playing games and using
Add an article
a computer
the computer
show examples
computer
Fix the agreement mistake
computers
show examples
 but these activities will help
children
 to build their technical skills.
For instance
, By playing games like Candy Crush,
children
 will solve manifold levels where they will improve
problem solving
Add a hyphen
problem-solving
show examples
skill
Fix the agreement mistake
skills
show examples
 and thinking
skill
Fix the agreement mistake
skills
show examples
. Most
parents
 don't encourage their
children
 to build their
career
Fix the agreement mistake
careers
show examples
 in arts but according to
Correct your spelling
survey
Correct article usage
a servey
show examples
servey
Correct your spelling
survey
art
Add a comma
,art
show examples
 people are more talented than non-art people. In
this
 way, Arts, games, etc help offspring to handle their
life
 without problems. To sum up, In my view, I agree with both the statements because both have their own advantages to
build
Wrong verb form
building
show examples
 a significant career.
Submitted by madarapulavanya1998 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: