IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

The position of women has changed a great deal in many societies over the past 50 years. But these societies cannot claim to have achieved gender equality. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#position #women #societies #years #gender #equality
Throughout the
last
 5
decades
Add a comma
,decades
show examples
women
 have conquered many great obstacles all around the
world
 to get to where we are today.
However
, in most places society still has much to go for gender equality. From my point of view,
women
 have indeed come a long way, re-earning their rights, but I
also
 agree that
women
 are still not seen as equal to
men
.
This
 essay will discuss how the position of
women
 changed in the
world
 and will bring a few points to clarify my point of view.
Firstly
, all through history
women
 were seen as objects for
men
 to use. Girls were raised to be wives, to be good and not to open their mouths. With much protest and hard work from many
women
 around the
world
,
this
 idea began to
change
 and females started to have a life of their own, they can do things that were only allowed for
men
,
such
 as having a proper job, driving, choosing not to marry and not to have children, going places for themselves and not for
men
. The things those strong-minded
women
 conquered paved the way for many generations to come and continue to do the work until there is equality.
Nevertheless
, as much
change
women
 have made throughout those 50 years, getting to speak up and find their place in society, it is clear that most countries still do not consider
men
 and
women
 as equals, females have to continually fight to be seen and taken as seriously. There is a tv show on Netflix called hierarquia that portrays
this
 scenario where a woman works at a law firm with
men
 and to be seen as equal to all those
men
, she has to work quadruple as hard. And even
then
, she is still treated differently at the table. From my point of view, it doesn't matter how much
women
 try to
change
 the
world
 and find their place, if
men
 don't want to
change
 and see
women
 as equal, there will always be challenges that
women
 have to go through that males never will just to be viewed as the same. In conclusion, females have earned their equal place in society for years, and yet, still have to fight to be seen.
Submitted by luanafonarantes on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: