IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

Some people think that museums should be enjoyable places to entertain people, while others believe that the purpose of museums is to educate. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #museums #places #purpose
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There has been much discussion revolving around the issue of whether the places of
museums
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 should entertain
people
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 or only
educate
Correct pronoun usage
themeducate
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. In
this
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 essay, I will explain both possessions and I am going to tell my belief about
this
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 discussion. The primary factor we need to take into consideration is that
museums
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 must be
amusing
Add an article
an amusing
the amusing
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place
Fix the agreement mistake
places
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 where
people
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 get entertained.
First
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 and most importantly
museums
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 need to make money. To do that their exhibitions can’t be boring. The workers of
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this
Correct determiner usage
these
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 institutions have to figure out how to make their museum stand out from all the others,
make
Correct word choice
and make
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 it unique to attract visitors.
This
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 would
led
Change the verb form
lead
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 to making bigger profits, which allow
to
Change preposition
for
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invest
Replace the word
investment
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into
Change preposition
in
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 museum facilities
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also
Correct word choice
and also
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it
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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would help raise workers' wages. The
second
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 reason why
museums
Use synonyms
 should bring joy, and not only educate is that
museums
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 have to be interesting and understandable for
people
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 of all ages, especially for children. Getting young
people
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 to focus on learning is difficult these days.
Therefore
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, one of the goals of
museums
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 must be to combine education with entertainment and teach children,
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otherwise
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,otherwise
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 they will simply be bored and uninterested.
In contrast
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, some others may claim that the only purpose of
museums
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 is to educate human beings.
Museums
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 reveal to us past events or help us understand other world cultures. We have to respect history and other nations, so depicting these things through an entertainment view would not be mature. Having considered both views, I think
museums
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 need to have balance. I mean it should be enjoyable, entertaining and educational at the same time.
Submitted by oimigle on

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Structure your answers in logical paragraphs

The easiest way to score well on the IELTS Task 2 writing portion is to structure your writing in a solid essay format.

A strong argument essay structure can be split up into 4 paragraphs, each containing 4 sentences (except the conclusion paragraph, which only contains 3 sentences).

Stick to this essay structure:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

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