IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Many manufactured food and drink products contain high levels of sugar, which causes many health problems. Sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar. Do you agree or disagree?

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A large number of processed
food
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 and drink
products
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 have high levels of sugar which result in numerous
health
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 problems,
therefore
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, these
products
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 ought to be more expensive to discourage individuals from consuming so much sugar. I agree with
this
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 statement because it would encourage
people
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 to choose healthier
food
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instead
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 and less strain on
health
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 services. The
first
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 reason why I think it is a good idea to increase the
price
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 of sugary
products
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 to encourage
people
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 to buy
products
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 that have less sugar is that
people
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 would choose healthier
food
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.
That is
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 to say that consumers tend to buy
food
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 at lower prices,
therefore
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, if the
price
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 of sugary
products
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 is high, more
people
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 are likely to buy other
food
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 options at lower prices.
For example
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, in many restaurants, fizzy drinks are more expensive than drinking water, and
as a result
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, many customers prefer to drink water
instead
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 of sodas. The other reason why I believe increasing the
price
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 of sugary
products
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 would discourage
people
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 to consume high sugary
products
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 is that it would reduce the strain on
health
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 services.
That is
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 to say, there would be fewer
people
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 complaining about
health
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 problems from sugary
products
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 as they are not consuming them more.
For instance
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, in Somalia, there was a significant decline in the number of
people
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 coming into the hospitals and complaining about obesity after the government rose the tax on sugary
products
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. In conclusion, I agree that increasing the
price
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 of sugary
food
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 and drink
products
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 would result in the reduction of using them because
people
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 would choose healthier foods and
also
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 there would be fewer
people
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 going to hospitals.

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • health problems
  • manufactured food and drink products
  • sugary products
  • excessive sugar consumption
  • discourage
  • promote
  • healthier choices
  • reduce
  • increased taxes
  • fund
  • health education
  • prevention programs
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