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Writing Samples
Band 6

Some people think that is a government should be responsible for improving public health. Others, however, believe that everyone in the community should take part in this issue. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #government #health #community #part
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The current global pandemic has made public
health
 an important topic in
Correct article usage
the world-over
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world-over
Correct your spelling
world over
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. There is a wider argument that public
health
 should be looked after at the national level, while others believe that it should stem from each individual. I am in agreement with the latter view.
To begin
 with, authorities should bear the weight of maintaining the physical and mental well-being of society.
Firstly
, a healthy nation is a great asset to the country. A major component of
community
 medicine comprises interventions to ensure the public remains healthy.
This
 means the
health
 cost is maintained at a much lesser cost compared with that of treating patients with sicknesses.
Hence
, it should be the responsibility of policymakers and governing bodies to take
community
health
 seriously.
For example
, the government's spending on reducing the
mosquitoe
Correct your spelling
mosquito
mosquitoes
 burden
had
Unnecessary verb
apply
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reduced the number of people admitted with dengue fever, a disease transmitted by mosquitoes.
Furthermore
, the earning capacity of a healthy individual is more and
therefore
 the country's development is greatly determined by the
health
 of the society.
On the other hand
, the
community
 should actively participate in improving
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
health
 standards.
Otherwise
, no intervention is going to be effective nor sustainable, if they are imposed and not originating from the
community
.
For instance
, the most effective intervention to tackle the
mosquitoes
Change noun form
mosquito's
mosquitoes'
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 breeding grounds was proven to be, small communities being vigilant and destroying water stagnating areas which could be possible breeding grounds of the mosquitoes that carry dengue fever. In conclusion, even
thought
Correct your spelling
though
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 the government should take up public
health
 to maintain a healthy nation in order to develop,
nevertheless
 the responsibility lies mainly in society because no intervention would be successful
otherwise
.
Submitted by ghm_day on

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Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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