IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6

As well as making money, businesses also have social responsibilities. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

In recent years, the growing influence of
businesses
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 in a socially responsible manner has sparked considerable debate among the general public.
Although
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 some individuals argue that companies should allocate a portion of their profits as a priority, I firmly believe that they
also
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 ought to operate their
businesses
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 in a manner that
fulfills
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fulfils
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 public responsibilities.
This
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 essay will aim to provide a comprehensive analysis of these differing viewpoints. On the
one
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 hand, it is essential to acknowledge that individuals ought to recognize the considerable efforts of
businesses
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 to maximize profits can bring some benefits to the whole society. A critical aspect to consider is that the higher the profit companies achieve, the more taxes they pay to the government.
For example
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, it is noteworthy that enterprises can use capital to produce goods in large quantities, creating more job opportunities to develop their
business
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.
Furthermore
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, another pivotal point to highlight is thanks to the abundant profit.
This
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 arises from the fact that companies have more opportunities to develop their
business
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.
On the other hand
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, it is crucial to examine the opposing viewpoint that the important reason explains why
businesses
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 admit to being responsible for society.
One
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 convincing argument is that
business
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 activities often cause considerable harm to the environment, particularly through pollution and carbon emissions. To illustrate
this
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 perspective,
one
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 might refer to global warming stems from factory emissions or the handling of irresponsible industrial emissions.
Additionally
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, it is pertinent to note that firms should support smaller or struggling
businesses
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, as they have the financial capacity to do so, which plays a significant role in
this
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 discussion.
This
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 assertion can lead a growing number of people to believe large firms like Unilever or Vinamilk have enhanced their image in the public eye with charitable activities
such
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 as scholarships or donations, thereby providing a clearer understanding of the complexities involved. In conclusion, an analysis of different approaches largely depends on enterprise circumstances and broader social contexts. On the
one
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 hand, profit is a fundamental principle of
business
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 and has its strengths.
Conversely
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,
businesses
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 should profoundly reflect on social responsibility. Ultimately,
this
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 examination encourages individuals to reflect on their preferences and the experiences that influence their decisions.

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coherence
Try to connect your ideas more clearly, using linking words like 'however' or 'on the other hand'. This will help your reader understand the flow of your essay better.
task achievement
Your introduction clearly states your opinion and prepares the reader for what is to come in the essay.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • Social responsibilities
  • Corporate social responsibility
  • Ethical behavior
  • Societal impact
  • Stakeholders
  • Profit-driven
  • Public perception
  • Environmental sustainability
  • Community development
  • Human rights
  • Workplace safety
  • Altruism
  • Balanced approach
  • Accountability
  • Consumer loyalty
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