Working is taking a more important role in people's lives. Why are people working so much? Do you think this trend is good or bad?

Nowadays, community are giving more preference to their work rather than their personal growth. In my ,view it is
a
Change the article
apply
show examples
hazardous
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
fact
Add an article
the fact
a fact
show examples
that they may compromise their
health
while get completing
into
Change preposition
apply
show examples
professional commitments. In today's world, 90% of
people
who are working are running behind in getting more financial gain through their jobs forgetting that they do have a personal life and ignore on their family commitments. It
also
impacts
on
Change preposition
apply
show examples
their
health
and may lead to serious
health
issues like a heart attack or may even lead to death. It is
also
observed that young professionals are getting
health
issues at an early age due to
this
concern.
People
should not ignore the fact that working for a living is just a part of life and does not define the whole of their lives. In the modern world, women are participating equally that of a man in earning a livelihood. Due to
this
, it has a significant impact on raising the little ones. The most important thing is that children tend to stay alone and do not like to be social which may affect their mental well-being. Most of the family gatherings are missed because
people
are involved more in their jobs and do not give more importance to family. Financial status should not take precedence over family and children. To conclude, it is crucial that
people
should give equal importance to both personal as well as professional life as getting a lifestyle is equally important as raising healthy children and prioritizing family time.
Submitted by shiv.sh8 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: