In the future people will not need to have schools, galleries, museums or libraries because everything from education to culture and entertainment will be available online. Do you agree or disagree? Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.
It is indeed true that the consumption of technology has been rising at an alarming rate across the globe. A school of thought suggests that utilisation of the
internet
can replace the current education system, traditions and entertainment facilities which will be easily accessed through different sources.Capitalize word
Internet
This
essay will discuss why people shun to use of technology in every sector.
Initially
, in this
contemporary era, individuals have a hectic schedule and do not have adequate time to explore the various sites like museums, art galleries, sculptures, historical monuments or libraries with their family and friends instead
they can see a number of sites by sitting at one place with different scenic views that may consume less time without wasting physical energy. Additionally
,using the network, children can take lessons from professional tutors at home as well as
easily attain information from different authorized sites. For instance
, a survey found that in the corona
pandemic, Correct your spelling
coronavirus
due to
lockdown children can get virtual classes and watch several movies online that may be beneficial to get rid of some stress and anxiety. Therefore
, I think in future all the necessary development will be available online for people.
However
, watching the place by going over there can have its own significance. Firstly
, students can easily obtain solutions to their academic problems by discussing them with their classmates, which is not possible through online learning. Secondly
, live visiting of
ancient monuments Change preposition
apply
proffer
a different experience of the creativity made by artists which may feel like the real atmosphere and it does not provide any enthusiasm by scrolling on the screen.Correct subject-verb agreement
proffers
Thirdly
,excessive time devoted to computers and mobile phones play
a detrimental impact on the physical and mental health of humans. Verb problem
has
For example
, the Indian government spend a large amount of money to make tourist attraction
because from that they generate revenues Fix the agreement mistake
attractions
as well as
maintain the tradition
of the nation. Fix the agreement mistake
traditions
Thus
, digital networks for all works can have a perilous impact on society.
Hence
, I would conclude that due to
digitalisation people will only depend on online sources rather than taking personal visits because of the availability of online classes and other entertainment media at affordable prices. Finally
, the use of technology has its own limitation
and no one can neglect the presence of human beings in certain areas.Fix the agreement mistake
limitations
Submitted by Leena Kapoor on
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task achievement
Your essay effectively addresses the task by discussing both sides of the argument regarding the future of schools, galleries, museums, and libraries in the digital age. However, your points could be backed up with more precise and varied examples to strengthen your argument. For instance, mention specific online platforms or successful case studies.
task achievement
The ideas presented in your essay are generally clear, but there are moments where sentences are long and slightly confusing. Breaking them into shorter, more concise sentences can help ensure each idea is clearly conveyed. For instance, the sentence starting with 'For example, the Indian government spend...' can be separated into multiple sentences for better clarity.
coherence cohesion
Your essay demonstrates good coherence and cohesion overall. However, you could improve the logical structure by using more transitional phrases to link ideas more smoothly. Words like 'moreover', 'in addition', and 'conversely' can help to show the relationship between ideas more clearly.
coherence cohesion
Your essay's introduction and conclusion are generally solid, although the conclusion could be more impactful. Consider summarizing the main points more succinctly and offering a compelling final thought or call to action to leave a stronger impression on the reader.
coherence cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion. The structure is logical and contributes to the coherence of your response.
task achievement
You have addressed the task question by discussing both the potential benefits of digitalization and the importance of physical visits. This balanced approach demonstrates a full understanding of the topic.
task achievement
The examples you provided, such as the impact of the pandemic on education and the role of the Indian government in promoting tourism, are relevant and support your main points, even though they could be more detailed.
Your opinion
Don’t put your opinion unless you are asked to give it.
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Don’t leave your opinion until the conclusion.
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...do you agree or disagree?...do you think...?...your opinion...?