Some children spend hours every day on smartphones. Why is this the case? Do you think this is a positive or negative development?

Nowadays, a lot of kids allocate considerably their
time
to
cell
phones
. I think it has different drawbacks and different reasons.
This
essay will mention some of them.
To begin
with, young adults have a strong tendency toward using smartphones, and it has a variety of reasons.
Firstly
, a lot of applications can be found on cellphones which are attractive to children,
such
as game apps. The second reason is that parents do not control them and do not establish some rules or limitations regarding the use of smartphones, so without limitations, they keep using
cell
phones
.
Finally
, the third striking reason is that kids are not educated well, and
government
Correct article usage
the government
show examples
should invest
time
and money in
this
field to educate kids to tell them about its disadvantages, and
also
encourage them to reduce
using
Wrong verb form
their use of
show examples
smartphones.
Furthermore
,
this
matter has some drawbacks which have negative effects on young adults. The most salient hazard is that children do not spend their
time
on physical activities.
In other words
, they are reluctant to do some sports or play with their friends outside of the house.
Therefore
,
this
leads to serious diseases in their body.
In addition
, if they spend all of their
time
on
cellphones
Correct your spelling
cell phones
show examples
, they
could not
Wrong verb form
cannot
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do their homework or even study well.
As a result
, it prevents them
to do
Change preposition
from doing
show examples
useful and necessary tasks related to their school tasks. In conclusion, in my view, spending hours every day on
cell
phones
have
Correct subject-verb agreement
has
show examples
an irrefutable and negative effect on children.
This
lead
Correct subject-verb agreement
leads
show examples
to preventing them from doing a useful and essential activity. To deal with that issue, parents and government should make rules and encourage them to do some different activities
instead
of using
cell
phones
.
Submitted by moradkhanighane on

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task response
Your essay provides a clear position and addresses the prompt, but could benefit from more specific examples and a more balanced approach to the issue.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a logical structure with clear introduction and conclusion, but the link between the ideas could be improved to enhance coherence.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • smartphones
  • usage
  • technology
  • accessibility
  • convenience
  • entertainment
  • gaming
  • social media
  • communication
  • educational resources
  • addiction
  • dependence
  • negative effects
  • physical health
  • mental health
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