There are many types of music in the world today. Why do we need music? Is the traditional music of a country more important than the international music that is heard everywhere nowadays?

Nowadays, various
kind
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kinds
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of
music
in their individual ways can be seen extensively. Existing of
music
is a fundamental need for human beings
with
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for
show examples
comprehensive reasons, and I would admit that traditional
music
is more important than international
music
.
Music
is a vital part of
human
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humans
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which accompanies from many hoary centuries to the present. Almost every country taught
music
as a subject at school and home from childhood, or commonly as a sort of delightful learning method. Children enjoy effortlessly in rhythm and
glad
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are glad
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to associate with members by joining groups during
music
Correct article usage
the music
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schedule. Later,
desire
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the desire
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of
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for
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people's musical creativity improve widely and became
favourite
Correct article usage
a favourite
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of each person who had got the same mood with the lyrics of the
music
. Involving melody in
music
could attract well people's emotions and even controlled conditions
depend
Wrong verb form
depending
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on the scale of
music
.The essence is that life would not be easygoing without it. From my perspective, traditional
music
should be valued
exceedingly
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more exceedingly
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than international
music
which has
became
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become
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famous. Modern pop
music
Add a missing verb
is influent
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influent
Replace the word
influential
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mostly
among
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by
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teenagers by
it's
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its
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catchy type.
Moreover
, big companies
also
use
Correct pronoun usage
it for
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for
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in
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their commercial product in marketing.
By comparison
, traditional
music
indicates the culture, history and customs of a country or
a
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an
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ethnic group. Traditional styles, like Rom
kbach
Correct your spelling
bach
Kobach
from Cambodia, displays the historical Khmer dance and their culture absolutely. If international pop
music
overwhelm
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overwhelms
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and traditional
music
disappear
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disappears
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, that will be
a
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apply
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great intimidation for
world's
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the world's
show examples
heritage. To summarize,
music
is an essential part of our lives and I admit that traditional
music
should be supported mainly than international
music
. In short,
music
can indeed help our mental disorders healthier and traditional
music
is much more important than international
music
which aims just to entertain the audience without any meaning.
Submitted by tr.zarwaihnin on

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    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
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    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
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Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • emotional release
  • cultural significance
  • globalization
  • cultural exchange
  • technology
  • preservation
  • cultural heritage
  • social cohesion
  • expression
  • consumption
  • production
  • traditional music
  • international music
  • diversity
  • identity
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