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Writing Samples
Band 5

There are many types of music in the world today. Why do we need music? Is the traditional music of a country more important than the international music that is heard everywhere nowadays?

#music #world #country
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Nowadays, various
kind
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kinds
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 of
music
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 in their individual ways can be seen extensively. Existing of
music
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 is a fundamental need for human beings
with
Change preposition
for
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 comprehensive reasons, and I would admit that traditional
music
Use synonyms
 is more important than international
music
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.
Music
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 is a vital part of
human
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humans
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 which accompanies from many hoary centuries to the present. Almost every country taught
music
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 as a subject at school and home from childhood, or commonly as a sort of delightful learning method. Children enjoy effortlessly in rhythm and
glad
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are glad
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 to associate with members by joining groups during
Use synonyms
music
Correct article usage
the music
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 schedule. Later,
desire
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the desire
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of
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for
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 people's musical creativity improve widely and became
favourite
Correct article usage
a favourite
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 of each person who had got the same mood with the lyrics of the
music
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. Involving melody in
music
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 could attract well people's emotions and even controlled conditions
depend
Wrong verb form
depending
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 on the scale of
music
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.The essence is that life would not be easygoing without it. From my perspective, traditional
music
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 should be valued
exceedingly
Correct quantifier usage
more exceedingly
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 than international
music
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 which has
became
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become
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 famous. Modern pop
music
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Add a missing verb
is influent
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influent
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influential
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 mostly
among
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by
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 teenagers by
it's
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its
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 catchy type.
Moreover
Linking Words
, big companies
also
Linking Words
 use
Correct pronoun usage
it for
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for
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in
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 their commercial product in marketing.
By comparison
Linking Words
 , traditional
music
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 indicates the culture, history and customs of a country or
a
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an
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 ethnic group. Traditional styles, like Rom
kbach
Correct your spelling
bach
Kobach
 from Cambodia, displays the historical Khmer dance and their culture absolutely. If international pop
music
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overwhelm
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overwhelms
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 and traditional
music
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disappear
Correct subject-verb agreement
disappears
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, that will be
a
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apply
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great intimidation for
world's
Correct article usage
the world's
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 heritage. To summarize,
music
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 is an essential part of our lives and I admit that traditional
music
Use synonyms
 should be supported mainly than international
music
Use synonyms
. In short,
music
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 can indeed help our mental disorders healthier and traditional
music
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 is much more important than international
music
Use synonyms
 which aims just to entertain the audience without any meaning.
Submitted by tr.zarwaihnin on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • emotional release
  • cultural significance
  • globalization
  • cultural exchange
  • technology
  • preservation
  • cultural heritage
  • social cohesion
  • expression
  • consumption
  • production
  • traditional music
  • international music
  • diversity
  • identity
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