some children spend hours everyday on their smartphones. why is this the case? do you think it is a positive or negative development?

In
this
era, due to the advancement of technology. Many kids utilize their mobile phones for a long
time
.
although
there are some positive developments
such
as enhancing digital literacy,
however
, I believe that it is inclined to be negative for them.
This
essay will shed light on it and provide some justifications. The foremost consideration is study
time
. When children use mobile phones, they spend most of their
time
only
for
Change preposition
apply
show examples
entertaining themselves,
such
as watching movies or playing games. Even though there are some excellent materials for supporting children's learning process,
however
Add the comma(s)
,however
show examples
they avoid that and prefer to utilise the phone for enjoying rather than studying. Taking Indonesian offspring as an example, recently, the University of Indonesia conducted research on scion's behaviour when their parents give them a phone, the findings surprisingly revealed that 80 per cent of heirs tend to use their gadgets for merely watching movies or playing a game.
As a
result
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,result
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they are left behind in the subjects that they pursue at school.
In addition
, the smartphone has the drawbacks
such
as ultraviolet (UV) light
that is
resonated all the
time
.
This
has been believed by many people that can contribute to medical conditions
such
as dizziness and mental illness. A journal published at The University of Melbourne revealed that UV light can be the worst issue in the digital era because a myriad of phone holders use
this
gadgetfor
Correct your spelling
gadget for
a whole hour in their life.
Consequently
, the scion should be prohibited from operating
it
Correct pronoun usage
its
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whole
the
Correct article usage
apply
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age
..
Replace the punctuation
.
...
show examples
To summarise, using smartphones for a long date for scion is tend to be negative development because it can raise some other problems,
such
as reducing
time
to learn and having negative effects on health.
Submitted by IELTS_8 on

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • smartphones
  • usage
  • technology
  • accessibility
  • convenience
  • entertainment
  • gaming
  • social media
  • communication
  • educational resources
  • addiction
  • dependence
  • negative effects
  • physical health
  • mental health
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