some children spend hours everyday on their smartphones. why is this the case? do you think it is a positive or negative development?
In
this
era, due to the advancement of technology. Many kids utilize their mobile phones for a long time
. although
there are some positive developments such
as enhancing digital literacy, however
, I believe that it is inclined to be negative for them. This
essay will shed light on it and provide some justifications.
The foremost consideration is study time
. When children use mobile phones, they spend most of their time
only for
entertaining themselves, Change preposition
apply
such
as watching movies or playing games. Even though there are some excellent materials for supporting children's learning process, however
they avoid that and prefer to utilise the phone for enjoying rather than studying. Taking Indonesian offspring as an example, recently, the University of Indonesia conducted research on scion's behaviour when their parents give them a phone, the findings surprisingly revealed that 80 per cent of heirs tend to use their gadgets for merely watching movies or playing a game. Add the comma(s)
,however
As a
result
they are left behind in the subjects that they pursue at school.
Add a comma
,result
In addition
, the smartphone has the drawbacks such
as ultraviolet (UV) light that is
resonated all the time
. This
has been believed by many people that can contribute to medical conditions such
as dizziness and mental illness. A journal published at The University of Melbourne revealed that UV light can be the worst issue in the digital era because a myriad of phone holders use this
gadgetfor
a whole hour in their life. Correct your spelling
gadget for
Consequently
, the scion should be prohibited from operating it
whole Correct pronoun usage
its
the
ageCorrect article usage
apply
..
To summarise, using smartphones for a long date for scion is tend to be negative development because it can raise some other problems, Replace the punctuation
.
...
such
as reducing time
to learn and having negative effects on health.Submitted by IELTS_8 on
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