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Writing Samples
Band 5.5

In more and more countries, people choose to give money on special occasions rather than personally giving gifts. Why might this be the case? Is it a positive or negative development?

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Special occasions come with the excitement of receiving some presents from friends and family members.
However
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, people prefer to give cash to these events,
instead
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 of, sending gifts.
This
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 reflects the efforts and the intention of the person giving it, which will be
further
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 discussed below
along with
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 its possible good or negative developments.
Firstly
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, gifting someone at a special event is a ritual in every nation. But the things we are giving the matter the most, as they will reflect the love, and affection for that guy.
However
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, with the shrinking availability of time and lack of effort, the currency is considered the easiest and most convenient thing to give others.
For example
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, my father
has
Wrong verb form
had
show examples
 his own business and did not get enough time during the day to buy anything for my birthday. So, he transferred some cash to my bank account for my present.
Furthermore
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, nowadays, with the availability of a huge lot of gift items, it is better to allocate money so that other humans can buy whatever they are in need of. Since, more and more consumer products are available in the market and everyone has their own taste, in that case, people were not able to judge the best gift.
Therefore
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 gifting currency
instead
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 of physical things is a positive development. In
the
Correct article usage
apply
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conclusion, though the importance of goods as a present outweighs the value of funds, giving money is more convenient for both parties. In my opinion, giving checks will enable another person to buy whatever they
wanted
Wrong verb form
want
show examples
.

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task achievement
Your essay covers the main points but could benefit from clearer development of ideas and stronger links between them. Try to expand on your arguments with more explanations and examples.
coherence and cohesion
Consider using transition words and phrases to improve the flow of ideas. Additionally, ensure that each paragraph clearly relates to the main topic of the essay.
task achievement
You provide relevant examples that illustrate your points, which helps to support your arguments effectively.
coherence and cohesion
Your essay has a clear introduction and conclusion, which is important for framing your argument.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • financial flexibility
  • recipient
  • unwanted gift
  • busy lifestyles
  • cultural shifts
  • socially acceptable
  • monetary gifts
  • practical
  • uncertain economic times
  • essential expenses
  • personal preferences
  • tastes and preferences
  • safer choice
  • climate consciousness
  • waste and sustainability
  • unnecessary production and consumption
  • freedom to choose
  • recipient’s needs and desires
  • giving money
  • special occasions
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