IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some sports are extremely dangerous for those who play them. Why do people participate in such sports? What measures could they take to minimize the risk involved?

#sports #people #measures #risk
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All
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
people
Add an article
the people
show examples
 prefer to play
games
Use synonyms
 without age
limit
Fix the agreement mistake
limits
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. As well as,
sports
Use synonyms
 give us a lot of benefits
such
Linking Words
mental
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as mental
show examples
relaxations
Fix the agreement mistake
relaxation
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,
increase
Correct word choice
and increase
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 fitness.
However
Linking Words
,
adventure
Use synonyms
sports
Use synonyms
 may be life
threating
Correct your spelling
threatening
.
Therefore
Linking Words
, ensure paragraphs of
this
Linking Words
 essay will discuss reasons for
play
Replace the word
playing
show examples
adventure
Use synonyms
sports
Use synonyms
 and how
keep
Add the particle
to keep
show examples
Use synonyms
safety
Add an article
the safety
show examples
 of players. Some players desire to participate
for
Change preposition
in
show examples
high
Add a hyphen
high-risk
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risk
Use synonyms
games
Use synonyms
. There are several reasons, entertainment is
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
one
Use synonyms
of
Change preposition
apply
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fact.
Persons
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Person
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 preferences differ
from
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apply
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one
Use synonyms
 by
one
Use synonyms
, when someone like
safety
Use synonyms
 entertainment
other
Correct quantifier usage
another
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one
Use synonyms
doing
Wrong verb form
does
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high
Add a hyphen
high-risk
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risk
Use synonyms
 entertainment
games
Use synonyms
such
Linking Words
 as hiking. As well as, sometimes
adventure
Use synonyms
sports
Use synonyms
 be a trend among youngers. Youngers do not think about
further
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risk
Use synonyms
, they give their attention only
for
Change preposition
to
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 current trend and their
disires
Correct your spelling
desires
. If mountain climbing
more
Add a missing verb
is more
show examples
 dangerous, they doing it to be heros. There
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 no any solution to stop these
sports
Use synonyms
 but, we can get
safe
Replace the word
safety
show examples
 measures to decrease injury.
One
Use synonyms
of
Change preposition
apply
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thing is training. The other
one
Use synonyms
 is
safety
Use synonyms
 places for
games
Use synonyms
 as
an
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
example,
everest
Change the capitalization
Everest
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most
Add a missing verb
is most
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 popular among
adventure
Use synonyms
 players and it more difficult task and high
risk
Use synonyms
. Without proper
training
Add a comma
,training
show examples
 anyone can not
doing
Wrong verb form
do
show examples
adventure
Use synonyms
games
Use synonyms
such
Linking Words
 as climbing waterfalls. Not only the training and
safety
Use synonyms
 places but
also
Linking Words
 safe wearing
Linking Words
such
Add an article
a such
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 helmet,
safety
Use synonyms
 guards and equipment. In conclusion, everyone
doing
Wrong verb form
does
show examples
sports
Use synonyms
 according to
own
Correct pronoun usage
their own
show examples
 desire.
However
Linking Words
, some
sports
Use synonyms
 are life
threating
Correct your spelling
threatening
. But people select
adventure
Use synonyms
 events due to their preferences and young people select due to
trend
Fix the agreement mistake
trends
show examples
. We can not stop our desire but we can keep our safe while playing
such
Linking Words
 selecting
Use synonyms
safety
Replace the word
safe
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 places, proper training and safe wearing.
However
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,
personally
Add a comma
,personally
show examples
 I believe we should avoid
high
Add a hyphen
high-risk
show examples
risk
Use synonyms
games
Use synonyms
 because
of
Change preposition
apply
show examples
life is worth
than
Correct quantifier usage
more than
show examples
 everything.
Submitted by chathuminiperera5 on

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Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • adrenaline rush
  • thrill-seeking
  • physical and mental boundaries
  • peer pressure
  • media influence
  • cultural norms
  • livelihood
  • extensive training
  • state-of-the-art
  • safety equipment
  • governing bodies
  • regulations
  • supervision
  • risk assessment
  • emergency plans
  • minimize risks
What to do next:
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