IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

In more and more countries, people choose to give money on special occasions rather than personally giving gifts. Why might this be the case? Is it a positive or negative development?

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Nowadays, in most
of
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apply
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the
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apply
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countries, people prefer sending money to their loved ones
instead
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 of personally giving presents
on
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at
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 their special moments.
This
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 essay will discuss the main reason behind
this
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 practice and
further
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 will conclude on whether sending checks in place of presents is a positive development or not. In
modern
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the modern
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 era, everyone
is having
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has
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 their own set of interests. It is very difficult to judge people and their choices.
Therefore
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, it becomes difficult to select a gift for others that would actually excite them.
Moreover
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, there is always a thought running in the mind of the giving party that the other person might have the same thing already.
For example
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: At one of my friend's
wedding
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weddings
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, I bought a beautiful handbag for her only to understand later that the same bag was gifted to her by someone else as well.
This
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 kind of situation is leading to more and more individuals sending cash
instead
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 of gifts.
Furthermore
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, giving money has certain advantages as it will save all the efforts and time which are spent on choosing a perfect gift. We just need to decide the amount of funds and it will serve the purpose.
Also
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, the receiving party will be
more
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happier as they can utilise the capital as per their own will and it will
also
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 help in bearing the cost of the party they had thrown.
For instance
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: Mostly,
in
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at
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 Indian
weddings
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weddings,
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 it is a ritual to send
shagun
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shogun
 to the couple which can later help the parents who have already spent a huge amount on the wedding.
On the contrary
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, money is not what most people seek and they are
more
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happier with
the
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personalised gifts. Gifting a special thing will create a lifetime memory and will leave a happy image in their minds.
On the other hand
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, cash will not be counted at all.
However
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,
this
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 idea is superseded
with
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by
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 the fact that wealth is something that we all need at all points
of
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in
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 time.
Therefore
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,
this
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 method has no harm in any manner.
Therefore
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, in
the
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conclusion, I would say that
change
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a change
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 in the trend of transferring the funds is a better option as it provides flexibility to the person receiving the payment to utilise the amount in their own way rather than receiving personal gifts.

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coherence and cohesion
Try to make your main points clearer with better topic sentences in each paragraph, which will help with the logical flow.
task achievement
While your examples are good, ensure they are clearly linked to your main argument and reflect deeper analysis rather than simply stating facts.
task achievement
Consider expanding your conclusion to summarize the main points discussed rather than just stating your opinion.
task achievement
You provided personal examples to support your argument, which adds a relatable touch to your essay.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • financial flexibility
  • recipient
  • unwanted gift
  • busy lifestyles
  • cultural shifts
  • socially acceptable
  • monetary gifts
  • practical
  • uncertain economic times
  • essential expenses
  • personal preferences
  • tastes and preferences
  • safer choice
  • climate consciousness
  • waste and sustainability
  • unnecessary production and consumption
  • freedom to choose
  • recipient’s needs and desires
  • giving money
  • special occasions
What to do next:
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