IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

"Some people think that they can learn better by themselves than with a teacher. Others think that it is always better to have a teacher. Which do you prefer? Use specific reasons to develop your essay"

#people #teacher
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After studying at high
school
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, some
students
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 choose to
work
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, others
go to
Verb problem
apply
show examples
travel until
starting
Wrong verb form
they start
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 studying at
university
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.
This
Linking Words
 problem has some benefits and negatives that I mentioned in
this
Linking Words
 essay. On the one hand, studying in high
school
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 is quite difficult, so
students
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 have to spend a lot of
time
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 passing the exam. On
this
Linking Words
 occasion, they can break to prepare for study at
university
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. Before they continue learning, the choice to
work
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 or trip helps them understand themself, they know what they want and who they become. Working or travelling will carry about them many experiences that when they are
students
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 they have not had like: eating different foods, widening their
horizon
Fix the agreement mistake
horizons
show examples
, learning new skills,... ,
,
Change the punctuation
apply
show examples
Eventually
Add a comma
Eventually,
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 they earn money for the family. For
an
Correct article usage
apply
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instant
Replace the word
instance
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, I finished my
time
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 at high
school
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 in July but I started studying at
university
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 in December so I spent 4 months working as a worker.
This
Linking Words
 job helps me have interesting experiences starting
live
Fix the infinitive
to live
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 far from my family.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, some
people
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 travel or
work
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 so they do not have enough
time
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 to prepare for studying. They admit
themself
Correct pronoun usage
they
show examples
 break over
time
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that
Correct word choice
than
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 they should.
As a result
Linking Words
, they miss necessary information and when they go to the other city, they do not adjust.
Students
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feel
Verb problem
find it
show examples
 difficult to live far from their family and friends. They are bored and new things make they are irritable.
For example
Linking Words
, when studying abroad,
people
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 need a lot of
time
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 to understand local
people
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 and make friends with
people
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 in other countries and
this
Linking Words
 is really a problem. In conclusion,
students
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 who choose to
work
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 or travel for a year between finishing high
school
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 and starting
university
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 have some advantages like having
time
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 to rest and having many experiences but
this
Linking Words
 is can take
time
Use synonyms
 for them that they use to adjust to the new circumstances.
Submitted by trandung09091999 on

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task response
The essay addresses the prompt and provides a clear response to the task. However, the explanation could be more thorough and specific.
coherence and cohesion
The essay has a coherent structure with clear introduction and conclusion. However, there is some lack of logical ordering and connectivity between ideas. Transition words and phrases could be used more effectively to improve coherence and cohesion.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

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