In many countries today, if people want to find work, they have to move away from their families and friends. Do you think the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?
In today’s dynamic job market, the necessity for individuals to relocate to secure employment is becoming increasingly more common, leading to a separation from their traditional support systems of family and friends. I am convinced that
this
phenomenon, despite being somewhat disadvantageous, brings about far more significant benefits.
To start with, the decision to move for work is not without its disadvantages. Chief among these is the emotional toll of separation from loved ones. An example of this
is the common scenario where young professionals move to urban centers
, leaving behind Change the spelling
centres
aging
parents in rural areas, which often leads to emotional distress and guilt. Change the spelling
ageing
Additionally
, the logistical and financial hurdles of moving, such
as securing housing in expensive metropolitan areas like Hanoi or Ho Chi Minh City, can be daunting and often result in significant financial strain.
Nevertheless
, I would contend that the advantages of such
relocation are more substantial. Professionally, it opens up a realm of opportunities that are often not available in one's hometown. For instance
, moving to tech-centric cities such
as San Francisco or Bangalore can dramatically accelerate one's career trajectory in the technology sector, offering access to innovative projects and networks that are pivotal for growth. Personally, such
moves cultivate resilience, adaptability, and a broader perspective on life. Living in diverse cultural settings enriches one's understanding and appreciation of different ways of life, fostering a more inclusive and adaptable worldview.
In conclusion, while
the emotional and financial costs of relocating for work are significant, I am of the opinion that the positive aspects, including enhanced career opportunities and personal growth, substantially outweigh these downsides.Submitted by phuongbui053 on
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coherence cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph begins with a clear topic sentence that signifies its main idea, enhancing the logical structure within the essay.
task achievement
Although you've included examples, making them more specific by adding details or real-life outcomes can further strengthen your argument.
task achievement
For a higher score in task achievement, try to directly address the question's prompt in both the introduction and conclusion, reaffirming your stance and summarizing your main points concisely.
coherence cohesion
Try to connect your ideas more seamlessly by using a wider range of linking words and phrases, which can aid in improving the coherence and flow of your essay.
Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
Linking words are very important in your essay.
To score effectively on your IELTS exam, you should make an effort to implement short concise sentences coupled with linking words.
Almost every sentence in your essay should have a linking word of some sort.
In fact, the only sentences that can omit linking words are your background sentence and thesis.
Linking word examples:
- firstly
- secondly
- thirdly
- in additional
- moreover
- also
- for example
- for instance
- therefore
- however
- although
- even though
- despite