At the present time, the population of some countries includes a relatively large number of young adults, compared with the number of older people. Do the advantages of this situations outweigh the disadvantages?

#time #population #countries #adults #people #situations

As we all know, youngsters are the future of every country and they play

vital

Add an article

a vital

show examples

role in the development as they have more opportunities and time ahead.

On the other hand

elders

have more experience and they have seen the world and know things better but personally speaking, In

this

era, having more young people than

elders

in a

place

has more benefits than drawbacks and I will state them in my

further

paragraphs. Having

large

Change the article

a large

show examples

amount of teenagers in a

place

has numerous advantages as they have many opportunities to make advancements for the nation,

Such

as they can choose their field of interest and can help the country to develop. They

also

have responsibilities to take care of their

elders

and the people who are in need.

However

, sometimes they can go off track because they are young and they can make harmful mistakes, which are hard to recover for the world.

On the other hand

presence

Correct article usage

the presence

show examples

of more

elders

in a

place

has many pros as well.

For example

, they have their

lifetime

Replace the word

life

show examples

experience

about

Change preposition

show examples

certain situations and they can guide teens for their future and can educate them with life lessons. To sum up,

pros

Correct article usage

the pros

show examples

of having more younger people in a

place

are more and

Correct pronoun usage

apply

show examples

outweigh

Correct subject-verb agreement

outweighs

show examples

the fact that having

elders

in a

place

has more benefits and

less

Change the quantifier

fewer

show examples

disadvantages.

Submitted by hk2192611 on Sat Oct 01 2022

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction

Sentence 1 - Background statement
Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
Sentence 3 - Thesis
Sentence 4 - Outline sentence

Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph

Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
Sentence 2 - Example
Sentence 3 - Discussion
Sentence 4 - Conclusion

Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

Sentence 1 - Summary
Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

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7Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
2Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
9Grammar mistakes
 

4 paragraphs

226 words

<4

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 5.5

Complete response

5.5

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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At the present time, the population of some countries includes a relatively large number of young adults, compared with the number of older people. Do the advantages of this situations outweigh the disadvantages?

Fully explain your ideas

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

It is important to give children an opportunity to become independent and make decisions from early age. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Formal examinations are the only effective way to assess a student's performance. Continual assessment, such as coursework and projects, is not a satisfactory way to do this. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

Young people are more likely to be involved in car accidents, therefore the legal driving age should be raised to 22 years old. Do you agree or disagree with this statement?

Some university students want to learn about other subjects in addition to their main subjects. Others believe it is more important to give all their time and attention to studying for a qualification. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.