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Band 7

Nowadays technology is increasingly being used to monitor what people are saying and doing(for eg. through cellphone tracking and security cameras). In many cases, the people being monitored are unaware that this is happening. Do you think the advantages of this development outweigh the disadvantages?

#technology #people #eg #cellphone #security #cameras #cases #development
It is true that governments and some companies are tracking individuals through new communication technologies, meanwhile, people may not be necessarily noticed.
Although
 these controlling methods have many positive impacts, in my opinion, I believe that the drawbacks do outweigh the benefits. On the one hand, the advantages of
this
 trend are twofold.
To begin
 with, governments can use
this
 monitoring in order to control and track the footprint of crimes which
happened
Wrong verb form
happen
show examples
 in societies.
For instance
, the cyber security department of police in modernized countries uses cameras to watch citizens' behaviour, and in other cases, they may navigate the location of offenders via their handsets so they can arrest them quickly.
The technology
Correct article usage
Technology
show examples
 companies like Google, Facebook and Apple,
moreover
, track their users when they are surfing around the web and collect data about their tastes and personality traits.
As a result
, these businesses advert more targeted ads to their customers and end-users.
On the other hand
,
this
 subject has some drawbacks which might bother the public.
Firstly
, privacy is the most vital part of digital life after the internet revolution in the world,
whereas
 these monitoring processes may endanger their priority. A shiny example that can illustrate my meaning is Instagram which collects its users' data and sells them to governmental organizations and
also
 advertising agencies without informing the victims.
Furthermore
, these monitoring implementations might be used in unethical ways in some countries.
In other words
, some cruel governments track populations to control them as they like rather than use them in a positive way. In conclusion,
Although
 these signs of progress involve a few merits, from my perspective, I suppose the disadvantages outweigh the benefits because I am concerned about the community's privacy.
Submitted by alihamzeh on

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task response
Provide more examples and evidence to support your points.
coherence cohesion
Ensure a clear and logical flow of ideas throughout the essay.

Include an introduction and conclusion

A conclusion is essential for IELTS writing task 2. It is more important than most people realise. You will be penalised for missing a conclusion in your IELTS essay.

The easiest paragraph to write in an essay is the conclusion paragraph. This is because the paragraph mostly contains information that has already been presented in the essay – it is just the repetition of some information written in the introduction paragraph and supporting paragraphs.

The conclusion paragraph only has 3 sentences:

  • Summary
  • Restatement of thesis
  • Prediction or recommendation

Example:

To summarize, a robotic teacher does not have the necessary disciple to properly give instructions to students and actually works to retard the ability of a student to comprehend new lessons. Therefore, it is clear that the idea of running a classroom completely by a machine cannot be supported. After thorough analysis on this subject, it is predicted that the adverse effects of the debate over technology-driven teaching will always be greater than the positive effects, and because of this, classroom teachers will never be substituted for technology.

Start your conclusion with a linking phrase. Here are some examples:

  • In conclusion
  • To conclude
  • To summarize
  • Finally
  • In a nutshell
  • In general

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