IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 7

Some people say that music is a good way of bringing people of different culture and ages together. To what extend do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
It is often argued that a crucial way to close
individuals
Use synonyms
 of different traditions and ages is through
music
Use synonyms
. I strongly believe that
music
Use synonyms
 can serve as a path to joining
individuals
Use synonyms
 of non-identical cultures and age groups. The first and foremost reason to agree with
this
Linking Words
 notion is that
music
Use synonyms
 is a form of communication that brings
individuals
Use synonyms
 of different countries close by emotional connection
however
Linking Words
individuals
Use synonyms
 listen to
music
Use synonyms
 across their own country.In live performances,
people
Use synonyms
 around the globe come together to share their values as they have different appearances, and different life lifestyles so it develops a sense of unity and a healing soul in them .
Hence
Linking Words
music
Use synonyms
 has the ability to support social bonding because
individuals
Use synonyms
 of different ages share their interests and values with one another.
For example
Linking Words
, in a digital world, the
music
Use synonyms
 streaming platform Spotify plays a role in bringing
people
Use synonyms
 together by providing social interaction.
Secondly
Linking Words
,
people
Use synonyms
 have their own taste in
music
Use synonyms
such
Linking Words
 as some like to listen to light tunes and others like to listen to fast
music
Use synonyms
.They celebrate musical activity with their own interest Instance, I belong to a country where distinct types of musical events are celebrated in which older
people
Use synonyms
 like to listen to classical
music
Use synonyms
 whilst younger adults listen to hip hop.
Therefore
Linking Words
 it is difficult to connect generations through
music
Use synonyms
.As a matter of fact, younger
people
Use synonyms
 are now joining rap and classical which is a supportive point for older
people
Use synonyms
.Nowadays,
people
Use synonyms
 listen to all types of
music
Use synonyms
as well as
Linking Words
 international
music
Use synonyms
 which is a plus point to joining the
peopl
Correct your spelling
people
 around the world.
To sum up
Linking Words
,
music
Use synonyms
 plays a beneficial role in bringing
people
Use synonyms
 of different cultures and values by emotional connection and by sharing common interests and tastes in
music
Use synonyms
 .

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Coherence and Cohesion
Try to use more clear transitions between your ideas to enhance the logical flow. Using linking phrases such as 'Furthermore,' 'Moreover,' 'In addition to that' can help strengthen the connections between sentences and paragraphs.
Task Achievement
Consider providing more specific examples or data to effectively illustrate your points. This can strengthen the level of support for the arguments you are making.
Task Achievement
Your introduction is strong and clearly states your opinion that music bridges cultural and age divides.
Coherence and Cohesion
The use of examples like Spotify and your personal country experience adds a personal touch and demonstrates a connection to real-world aspects of the topic.
Topic Vocabulary:
  • cultural diversity
  • harmony
  • integration
  • bridging gaps
  • foster
  • ignite
  • embrace
  • communicate
  • celebrate
  • appreciate
  • inclusivity
  • universal language
  • emotional resonance
  • shared experiences
  • intercultural dialogue
  • intergenerational connections
  • cultural exchange
  • catalyst
What to do next:
Look at other essays: