IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 3.5

Some people think parents should control the behaviour of children from a very young age but others think we should give them more freedom. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #parents #control #behaviour #children #age #freedom
It is common belief
amongest
Correct your spelling
amongst
 most people that we should manage the attitude of kids while others have a different opinion that the kids should be better with liberty. I believe
both
Change preposition
in both
show examples
control
 and freedom together. We will discuss
both
point
Change to a plural noun
points
show examples
 of view. Children are like
empty
Add an article
an empty
show examples
vase
Fix the agreement mistake
vases
show examples
 at a
teenager
Replace the word
teenage
show examples
 age. Whatever we teach them they learn and believe it whether it is good or bad. They
also
 learn
to
Change preposition
from
show examples
 their
parents
Change to a genitive case
parent's
parents'
show examples
 behaviour. They listen to their
parents
 and know their limitations. They
knows
Change the verb form
know
show examples
 how to
control
 their action and reaction.
For
example
Add a comma
,example
show examples
 kids learn to respect their elders from their
parents
 or teachers.
On the other hand
, others feel that youngsters want more space.
Parents
 should not always
control
 them. Let them be self-independent.
parents
 give them authority that they should take decisions by themselves. few people believe that
young
Correct article usage
the young
show examples
 generation can understand all things
by
Change preposition
through
show examples
 their own experience. Elders should not strict
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
them
Change preposition
with them
show examples
. In conclusion,
Both
point
Change to a plural noun
points
show examples
 of
views
Fix the agreement mistake
view
show examples
are
Change the verb form
is
show examples
 different. Many people
has
Change the verb form
have
show examples
 different
believes
Replace the word
beliefs
show examples
 but
both
 are important and
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 think that we should teach them
both
 how to
control
yourself
Correct pronoun usage
themselves
show examples
 in different situations and be aware of limits. youngsters
also
 know that they should not cross their
limit
Fix the agreement mistake
limits
show examples
.
Submitted by Faisal on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!
What to do next:
Look at other essays: