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Writing Samples
Band 4.5

Some people think parents should control the behaviour of children from a very young age but others think we should give them more freedom. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #parents #control #behaviour #children #age #freedom
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It is
common
Add an article
a common
show examples
 belief amongst most
people
 that we should manage the attitude of
kids
 while others have a different opinion that the
kids
 should be better with liberty. I believe
both
Change preposition
in both
show examples
control
 and freedom together. We will discuss
both
 points of view. Children are like
an empty vases
Correct the article-noun agreement
an empty vase
empty vases
show examples
 at a teenage age. Whatever we teach them they learn and believe it whether it is good or bad. They
also
 learn from their
parents
Change to a genitive case
parent's
parents'
show examples
 behaviour. They listen to their
parents
 and know their limitations. They know how to
control
 their action and reaction. For, example
kids
 learn to respect their elders from their
parents
 or teachers. In
this
 case, when
parents
 get angry,
kids
 know how to react or
control
ourself
Correct pronoun usage
themselves
show examples
.
This
 is very important for youngsters.
On the other hand
, others feel that youngsters want more space.
Parents
 should not always
control
 them. Let them be self-independent.
parents
 give them authority that they should take decisions by themselves. few
people
 believe that the young generation can understand all things through their own experience. Elders should not strict with them.
People
 believe that children need some time to understand what is right for them and what is wrong for them. In conclusion,
Both
 points of view
is
Change the verb form
are
show examples
 different. Many
people
 have different beliefs but
both
 are important and
i
Change the capitalization
I
show examples
 think that we should teach them
both
 how to
control
 themselves in different situations and be aware of limits. youngsters
also
 know that they should not cross their limits.
Submitted by Faisal on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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