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Band 4

Many people try to achieve success through their career or education. What can success mean to different people? What is your view of success?

#people #success #career #education
A certain point of inhabitance that some
people
 hope to archive
success
 in the educational side or professional path. Even though, there are some supporters
for
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of
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this
 segment. But , I firmly criticized
from
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for
show examples
 several
reason
Change to a plural noun
reasons
show examples
 and
this
 essay will
exploring
Change the verb form
explore
be exploring
show examples
 with a summary.
Firstly
, we should discuss "What is
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
success
 ? ". From my perspective ,
Success
 is
a
Remove the article
apply
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some
Correct quantifier usage
apply
show examples
achievement in
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
life. It is different
between
Change preposition
apply
show examples
from
people
Fix the agreement mistake
person
show examples
 to
people
Fix the agreement mistake
person
show examples
.
Correct your spelling
On
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One
Correct your spelling
On
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 the other hand not only
people
 but
also
 animals
have
Unnecessary verb
apply
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may be some targets or
achievement
Fix the agreement mistake
achievements
show examples
.
There fore
Correct your spelling
Therefore
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, we can not
devide
Correct your spelling
divide
decide
 categories. But , nowadays our
people
also
 made some competition among
people
 for
success
. They believe
success
is depend
Change the verb form
depends
show examples
 on education and careers. So , they always try to
doing
Wrong verb form
do
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advance
Replace the word
advanced
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 things. It has
lack
Correct article usage
a lack
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 of advantages . There are advantages We try to best things, We tend to work always, Children motivate for studies and make
a
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
competition among friends etc... Even though , In my view there are disadvantages outweigh the advantages. Because of reason , many problems are created in the society and school environment. There are rapidly increasing most of selfish youngest in
future
, a Lack of mental and physical fitness, creating non-sensitive children, and
Very
Correct article usage
a Very
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 busy and synthetic society. So, these reasons will be attached to our
future
. In conclusion , I believe we should succeed for
us
Correct pronoun usage
ourselves
show examples
. Children should
forced
Change the verb form
be forced
show examples
 to education to
achieving
Change the form of the verb
achieve
show examples
 their
future
. We do not think always about our surrounding
people
.
Then
 we can create a beautiful country and
future
.
Submitted by kmgaya1996 on

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Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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Topic Vocabulary:
  • fulfillment
  • personal goals
  • happiness
  • career milestones
  • professional development
  • financial independence
  • security
  • philanthropy
  • contribution
  • personal development
  • recognition
  • work-life balance
  • self-improvement
  • well-being
  • subjective
What to do next:
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