IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people prefer to directly help or support people in need in the local community. However, others choose to give money to the national or international organizations. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

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Many
people
Use synonyms
 opt to straight endorse the community that needs help in the vicinity.
Nevertheless
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, there are some
people
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 who firmly prefer to invest
money
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 in
organizations
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. Helping
people
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 who lack main living resources has
gained
Verb problem
become
show examples
 more important nowadays, so
people
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 have been confused
to select
Change preposition
about selecting
show examples
 a
way
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 which is suitable for them. In
this
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 essay, I will explain that international charity
organizations
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 are a convenient
way
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 to help poor
people
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 live far away.
Firstly
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,
directly
Change the word
direct
show examples
 help leads to
cause
Verb problem
apply
show examples
some problems
such
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 as misunderstanding and misconception.
Although
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people
Use synonyms
 who need help may face a big health problem, we just give them a small effect on their lives since we cannot look elaborately.
This
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 lack of
aid
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 cannot overwhelm everything, so it might be regarded as a huge implementation for somebody but it doesn’t solve anything.
For example
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, buying a piece of bread for the poor
one
Correct pronoun usage
apply
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doesn’t create a sustainable
way
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 and proper help, so it seems as if all the needs
had
Wrong verb form
have
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 been met.
However
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, nowadays
people
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 have gained a conscious by the following advertisements to help
people
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 that can receive
aid
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 in a proper
way
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. It is providing a resolution to a lot of
people
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's difficulties when it comes to
aid
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. The
organizations
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 curtail any vague problems and focus on needs. They have a transparent scheme, so
people
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 can track their
money
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. They
also
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 gather huge
money
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 and they can trigger huge campaigns undoubtedly all around the world.
For instance
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, especially in Africa where have huge poor population can get straight effects in
this
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way
Use synonyms
, they can contribute to developing facilities and
aid
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 campaigns. In conclusion, if more
people
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 select international
organizations
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,
people
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 can get proper
aid
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. We have to
promote
Verb problem
encourage
show examples
 them to invest their
money
Use synonyms
 in legal
organizations
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 because they take part in an effort to help easily.
In addition
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, they try

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coherence and cohesion
Ensure that each paragraph has a clear main idea supported by relevant details. Your arguments seem to be scattered and could benefit from better organization.
task achievement
Provide more specific and varied examples to bolster your points. While you mention international organizations and issues in Africa, additional examples could improve clarity and persuasion.
task achievement
Make sure to clearly express your own opinion in the introduction and conclusion. Your opinion is slightly implied rather than explicitly stated, which may confuse the reader.
task achievement
The essay addresses both sides of the argument, considering local vs. international support, which is important for a balanced discussion.
coherence and cohesion
Some good vocabulary is used, showcasing an attempt to engage with the topic deeply.
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