The growing number of overweight people is putting a strain on the health care system in an effort to deal with the health issues involved. Some people think that the best way to deal with this problem is to introduce more physical education in the school curriculum. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

#people #strain #health #care #system #effort #education #school #curriculum

The number of overweight

people

is increasing day by day and the healthcare system is under extreme pressure to tackle health problems. Some

people

believe that more physical education

lesson

Fix the agreement mistake

lessons

show examples

should be put in the school timetable. I

am agree

Change the verb form

agree

show examples

with

this

method

besides

Correct your spelling

other

the

othe

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other

suggestions. There are several solutions to overcome

this

issue by

Correct your spelling

cooperation

coorporation

Correct your spelling

cooperation

between government, education system and family.

Firstly

, more lessons can be added to

school

Correct article usage

the school

show examples

timetable that

are

Change the verb form

show examples

related to

Unnecessary verb

apply

show examples

sports. It is not only

Correct your spelling

for

show examples

Correct your spelling

for

show examples

being in shape

Remove the comma

apply

show examples

but

also

for enhancing teamwork

between

Change preposition

among

show examples

students.

Secondly

, the

Correct your spelling

government

govenment

Correct your spelling

government

can spread awareness among young

people

about the consequences of

unhealthy

Add an article

an unhealthy

show examples

lifestyle.

For

example

Add a comma

,example

show examples

some ads should be made by TV channels to encourage children to get more exercise.

On the other hand

, more observation can be on fast foods to cook healthy foods.

Finally

Add an article

the family

a family

show examples

family

Fix the agreement mistake

families

show examples

should share more time with children to reduce the

Correct your spelling

amount

aamount

Correct your spelling

amount

of time that

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their

there

these

theie

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their

children dedicate to playing computer games. In summary,

people

should be encouraged to have

Add an article

a more

show examples

healthy lifestyle and do more physical activities.

This

goal is

achieveable

Correct your spelling

achievable

Correct your spelling

cooperation

coorporation

Correct your spelling

cooperation

between families, governments and educational systems.

Submitted by TUTOO on Mon Oct 03 2022

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Structure your answers in logical paragraphs

The easiest way to score well on the IELTS Task 2 writing portion is to structure your writing in a solid essay format.

A strong argument essay structure can be split up into 4 paragraphs, each containing 4 sentences (except the conclusion paragraph, which only contains 3 sentences).

Stick to this essay structure:

Paragraph 1 - Introduction
Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
Paragraph 4 - Conclusion

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8Linking words
meeting the goal of 7 or more
1Word repetition
meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
27Grammar mistakes
 

3 paragraphs

189 words

<4

Overall Band Score

Coherence and Cohesion: 4.0

Logical structure

Introduction & conclusion present

Supported main points

Accurate linking words

Variety in linking words

Lexical resource: 4.0

Varied vocabulary

Accurate spelling & word formation

Grammatical Range: 4.0

Mix of complex & simple sentences

Clear and correct grammar

Task Achievement: 4.0

Complete response

Clear & comprehensive ideas

Relevant & specific examples

Appropriate word count

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Structure your answers in logical paragraphs

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

In some countries schoolchilren wear a uniform.In others, they can wear whatever they want at school. what are advetages and disadvantages of having school uniforms?

Most countries spend large amount of money on weapons to defend themselves though they are not at war. Some believe those countries should spend the money to help poor countries. To what extent do you agree or disagree with this statement?

There are many people who go to live in different countries. To what extent should people be allowed to move freely between countries and live where they choose? What are the benefits and drawbacks of this?

The growth in crime among teenagers can be attributed to an increase in the use of violent video games. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Nowadays shop have extended opening hours almost everyday of the week in many countries. Is it a positive or negative development for shoppers and local communities?