IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5

Some people say that we should invest more money in classroom technology and equipment. Others argue that we should spend this money on teachers. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#people #money #classroom #technology #equipment #teachers
✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Now
education
Use synonyms
 is
main
Change the article
the main
show examples
 point for
achieve
Change the verb form
achieving
show examples
 your goal and for better
education
Use synonyms
children
Use synonyms
 need good
technology
Use synonyms
 and
teachers
Use synonyms
. Few individuals say that they should invest in
classroom
Use synonyms
technology
Use synonyms
 and
equipments
Change the wording
equipment
types of equipment
pieces of equipment
show examples
 and others they should spend
money
Use synonyms
 on good
teachers
Use synonyms
. in
this
Linking Words
 as
a
Change the article
an
show examples
 I will discuss both here and give you my opinion on trai paragraphs.
To begin
Linking Words
 with, investing
money
Use synonyms
 in
classroom
Use synonyms
technology
Use synonyms
 and equipment is
best
Change the article
the best
show examples
 way for
children
Use synonyms
 to learn in
this
Linking Words
 modern era. To elaborate it, with introducing new
technology
Use synonyms
children
Use synonyms
 can focus more and give their all in
study
Add an article
the study
a study
show examples
 without any disturbance.
For example
Linking Words
 with new
technology
Use synonyms
 in
classes
Add a comma
,classes
show examples
student
Fix the agreement mistake
students
show examples
 avoid unnecessary absents and
present
Add a missing verb
are present
show examples
all the
Correct determiner usage
apply
show examples
throughout classes.
As a result
Linking Words
,
children
Use synonyms
 learn new things that help them in
this
Linking Words
 era.
That is
Linking Words
 why
new
Add an article
the new
show examples
technology
Use synonyms
 is needed in classrooms.
Furthermore
Linking Words
, few folks
Correct your spelling
think
show examples
thing
Correct your spelling
think
show examples
 that investing
money
Use synonyms
 in
best
Correct article usage
the best
show examples
teachers
Use synonyms
 is necessary.
Linking Words
Moreover
Add a comma
,Moreover
show examples
with
Change preposition
by
show examples
 giving good
salary
Fix the agreement mistake
salaries
show examples
 to
Teachers
Use synonyms
, they give their all to educate the
Correct your spelling
children
childrens
Correct your spelling
children
show examples
 with care.As
a
Change the article
an
show examples
 example will satisfy with
good
Correct article usage
a good
show examples
 salary they can take
children
Use synonyms
 without any negative thoughts. With
love
Correct article usage
the love
show examples
 and care given by
Use synonyms
teachers
Add a comma
,teachers
show examples
children
Use synonyms
 can ask any question related to
education
Use synonyms
 and personal life and
teacher
Correct article usage
the teacher
show examples
 can guide them
in
Change preposition
on
show examples
right
Add an article
the right
show examples
 path. That way
see
Change the verb form
sees
show examples
 you individuals think that spending
money
Use synonyms
 on
Teachers
Use synonyms
 is beneficial. In my opinion, both
view
Change to a plural noun
views
show examples
 is right because only
giving
Change preposition
by giving
show examples
 student
best
Correct article usage
the best
show examples
technology
Use synonyms
 in
Use synonyms
classroom
Add an article
the classroom
show examples
 but no good teacher to guide them the
technology
Use synonyms
 will lose
it's
Replace the word
its
show examples
 merits.
Same
Correct article usage
The same
show examples
 goes
to
Change preposition
for
show examples
Add an article
the teacher
show examples
teacher
Fix the agreement mistake
teachers
show examples
 too. To sum up, for better
education
Use synonyms
 the
classroom
Use synonyms
 with
best
Correct article usage
the best
show examples
technology
Use synonyms
 and
teachers
Use synonyms
 is needed.
Submitted by hardikdesai117 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Classroom technology
  • Interactive whiteboards
  • Tablets
  • Educational software
  • Online resources
  • Learning styles
  • Inclusive learning
  • Personalized education
  • Dependency
  • Mental arithmetic
  • Salaries
  • Training programs
  • Professional development
  • Retain
  • Skilled educators
  • Inspire
  • Motivate
  • Guide
  • Balanced approach
  • Educational ecosystem
What to do next:
Look at other essays: