Some people think governments should act to change the way people live so that they live a healthy life. Others, however, feel people should be free to live as they want. Discuss both views and give your opinion.
There are different views about whether
governments
should tackle with
unhealthy lifestyles or Change preposition
apply
people
should be free to make their own choices throughout their lives. I personally believe that Correct word choice
whether people
freedom
in
an essential Correct your spelling
is
right
of individuals and that they have adequate intelligence, therefor
they should be able to decide on their own interests.
On the one hand, some Correct your spelling
therefore
people
argue that governments
should control the
harmful objects because they believe that households may suffer from various health problems Correct article usage
apply
due to
choosing these items. For instance
, they think governments
should make stricter rules to tackle with
buying fast foods, Change preposition
apply
such
as increasing the tax on this
type of food, to prevent individuals from obesity or high blood pressure. Furthermore
, they believe that many mental problems are the result of excessive consumption of alcohol, leading to diseases such
as anxiety disorders and depression.
On the other hand
, they believe that human beings have enough awareness to distinguish right
from wrong. That is
to say, these days, thanks to technology and the articles people
read about many scientific issues, consequently
they can have true exhibit proper behavior
during their lives. Change the spelling
behaviour
For example
, they can read many varieties of scientific articles on the IEEE website. Additionally
, some think that freedom
is a fundamental right
of residents. In other words
, people
should have the freedom
to choose any things who
Correct pronoun usage
apply
what
they want whether it is drinking alcohol or eating unhealthy foods.
In conclusion, Correct word choice
that
although
some people
argue that it is the duty of governments
to ban harmful substances, I strongly believe that people
should have the freedom
to access anything as a right
, and moreover
, because the knowledge of humans have
increased today.Change the verb form
has
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coherence cohesion
Strive to vary your sentence structures more to enhance readability and coherence further. Be mindful of incorporating a variety of complex sentences alongside simple ones to showcase your linguistic capability.
task achievement
Consider delving deeper into examples to substantiate your points. While the examples you've provided enrich your argument, further elaboration could make your essay even more compelling.
task achievement
Keep an eye on your essay's overall balance. It's commendable how you've discussed both views and your own opinion, but ensuring that each section receives equal weight can strengthen your argument.
coherence cohesion
You've effectively introduced and concluded your essay, framing your argument cohesively.
coherence cohesion
Your main points are well supported and structured, making your argument clear and understandable.
task achievement
Your essay demonstrates a complete response to the task, with clear and comprehensive ideas supported by relevant and specific examples.
Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.
‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.
Examples:
I really want to study but I’m too tired.
I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.
If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.