Some people think governments should act to change the way people live so that they live a healthy life. Others, however, feel people should be free to live as they want. Discuss both views and give your opinion.

There are different views about whether
governments
should tackle
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
unhealthy lifestyles or
people
Correct word choice
whether people
show examples
should be free to make their own choices throughout their lives. I personally believe that
freedom
in
Correct your spelling
is
show examples
an essential
right
of individuals and that they have adequate intelligence,
therefor
Correct your spelling
therefore
show examples
they should be able to decide on their own interests. On the one hand, some
people
argue that
governments
should control
the
Correct article usage
apply
show examples
harmful objects because they believe that households may suffer from various health problems
due to
choosing these items.
For instance
, they think
governments
should make stricter rules to tackle
with
Change preposition
apply
show examples
buying fast foods,
such
as increasing the tax on
this
type of food, to prevent individuals from obesity or high blood pressure.
Furthermore
, they believe that many mental problems are the result of excessive consumption of alcohol, leading to diseases
such
as anxiety disorders and depression.
On the other hand
, they believe that human beings have enough awareness to distinguish
right
from wrong.
That is
to say, these days, thanks to technology and the articles
people
read about many scientific issues,
consequently
they can have true exhibit proper
behavior
Change the spelling
behaviour
show examples
during their lives.
For example
, they can read many varieties of scientific articles on the IEEE website.
Additionally
, some think that
freedom
is a fundamental
right
of residents.
In other words
,
people
should have the
freedom
to choose any things
who
Correct pronoun usage
apply
show examples
what
Correct word choice
that
show examples
they want whether it is drinking alcohol or eating unhealthy foods. In conclusion,
although
some
people
argue that it is the duty of
governments
to ban harmful substances, I strongly believe that
people
should have the
freedom
to access anything as a
right
, and
moreover
, because the knowledge of humans
have
Change the verb form
has
show examples
increased today.
Submitted by Pegahghaderi85 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

coherence cohesion
Strive to vary your sentence structures more to enhance readability and coherence further. Be mindful of incorporating a variety of complex sentences alongside simple ones to showcase your linguistic capability.
task achievement
Consider delving deeper into examples to substantiate your points. While the examples you've provided enrich your argument, further elaboration could make your essay even more compelling.
task achievement
Keep an eye on your essay's overall balance. It's commendable how you've discussed both views and your own opinion, but ensuring that each section receives equal weight can strengthen your argument.
coherence cohesion
You've effectively introduced and concluded your essay, framing your argument cohesively.
coherence cohesion
Your main points are well supported and structured, making your argument clear and understandable.
task achievement
Your essay demonstrates a complete response to the task, with clear and comprehensive ideas supported by relevant and specific examples.

Use a variety of complex and simple sentences

You should use complex sentences in your writing, but it does not mean that you should try to make all of our sentences complex.

‘Complex’ sentences are not actually very complex; they are just two or more simple sentences put together. Putting them together makes the essay more coherent and cohesive.

Examples:

I really want to study but I’m too tired.

I wore a warm coat because the weather was cold.

If action is not taken soon on climate change, global warming will get worse.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

You are not ready for IELTS Speaking, if you

  • Can’t speak smoothly without pauses.
  • Use simple words and lack vocabulary.
  • Feel nervous and anxious when speaking.
What to do next:
Look at other essays:

Essentional vocabulary list for IELTS Writing 7+

Learn how to write high-scoring essays with powerful words.
Download Free PDF and start improving you writing skills today!