IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 4

In the modern world, people are no longer necessary to use food from animals or products from animals such as medicine and clothing. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

In today's time,
animals
Use synonyms
 play a very important role in human life. Most people believe that there should not be any need to depend on
animals
Use synonyms
 for daily necessities
such
Linking Words
 as
food
Use synonyms
 or
product
Fix the agreement mistake
products
show examples
,
and
Correct word choice
or
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 medicines. In my mind, our need for
animals
Use synonyms
 will never end
up
Change preposition
apply
show examples
.
Firstly
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, there are many merits of wildlife in our
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
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. There are many
animals
Use synonyms
,
society
Correct word choice
and society
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 totally depends on them for their basic needs.
For example
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,
Bufalows
Correct your spelling
buffalo
, goats, and cows are the most useful
animals
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 that are the best way to get milk, and if we do not get milk, it is not easy to get other healthy
food
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such
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 as yoghurt
,
Punctuation problem
apply
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 and cheese.
Secondly
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,
animals
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 like sheep bring cotton to us
which
Punctuation problem
, which
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 is very beneficial
to make
Change preposition
for making
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 cotton clothes.
Furthermore
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, most people are non-vegetarians and they totally depend on these
animals
Use synonyms
 for
meats
Fix the agreement mistake
meat
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, beef, bacon
etc
Punctuation problem
, etc
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. In spite of
this
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, there are many people who are employed in animal-based manufacturing companies.
For instance
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, employees in the beef companies get employment and earn income, so in
this
Linking Words
 way,
animals
Use synonyms
 are not only necessary for
food
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 or products, but it is
also
Linking Words
 a way
for getting
Change preposition
to get
show examples
 a job.
On the other hand
Linking Words
, even
animals
Use synonyms
 have many pros and we need them as well, but a human can find some alternatives to get medicine or
food
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 which they do not
need
Verb problem
require
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 the help of
animals
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.
To conclude
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, science has proved and invented many things
but
Punctuation problem
, but
show examples
 we still need
animals
Use synonyms
 for our daily necessities.
Hence
Linking Words
, it is not wrong to say that
animals
Use synonyms
 have important value in our
life
Fix the agreement mistake
lives
show examples
.

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task
Your view on the topic is not always clear. State a clear position in the introduction and keep it the same throughout the essay.
content
Check facts before you write. Some claims are not correct (e.g., cotton comes from plants, not sheep).
structure
Improve the structure: add a clear intro, 2–3 body paragraphs about different points, and a short conclusion.
grammar vocabulary
Use simple, accurate language; fix spelling errors and word choice (e.g., buffalo, beef, bacon, yoghurt).
content
Give more concrete examples and explain how they support your point; relate everything to your thesis.
coherence
Use linking words to show how ideas connect and make the flow smoother.
content
The essay shows a clear effort to discuss why humans may still rely on animals.
structure
You use order words like firstly, secondly, which helps the reader follow ideas.
style
Your writing uses simple words that are easy to read for many readers.
content
You attempt to present more than one side of the argument, which is good for IELTS tasks.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »- a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • plant-based alternatives
  • nutritional values
  • greenhouse gas emissions
  • deforestation
  • water usage
  • ethical considerations
  • exploitation of animals
  • cruelty-free
  • humane alternatives
  • chronic diseases
  • heart disease
  • diabetes
  • cancers
  • economic opportunities
  • animal farming
  • processing
  • cultural shifts
  • sustainable products
  • media influence
  • social movements
What to do next:
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