IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 6.5

Nowadays a large amount of advertising aimed at children should be banned because of the negative effects. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

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These days, a large amount of advertising is aimed at scion and some people feel that it should be banned.
While
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 advertising can have several negative impacts on
children
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, I believe it should not be completely banned. 
To begin
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, commercials aimed at her can have a detrimental impact, particularly on the relationship between parents and their heirs. Many offspring are easily manipulated to want things they see in advertisements, and
this
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 may cause conflicts between parents and
children
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 if parents deny their
children
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of
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apply
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something they want.
In addition
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, advertising targeted at
children
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 can have negative effects on their health, as many fast food and junk food companies these days direct their marketing strategies toward
children
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, making their products appear to be healthy and appealing. Unfortunately, most
children
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 do not understand the concept of advertising and are easily persuaded to purchase these unhealthy foods, and
as a consequence
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, can be at risk of many serious health issues,
such
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 as obesity and diabetes. 
On the other hand
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, I feel that there should not be a ban on advertising aimed at
children
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 because advertising is one of the key aspects of a prosperous economy. If bans were to be placed on commercials, many companies would suffer from a decrease in sales and profits, which would eventually affect unemployment rates and the economy.
For example
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, Coca-Cola provides thousands of employment opportunities in advertising throughout its branches across different regions around the world. If advertising
was
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is
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 banned, a large number of workers,
such
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 as marketers, may become unemployed, and
as a result
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, the government will have to provide temporary financial support for those unemployed people.  In conclusion,
although
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 advertising aimed at heir may have certain negative impacts on family relationships and health, imposing a prohibition on it is unreasonable.

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task response
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