IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 6.5

Many manufactured food and drink products contain high level of sugars which causes many health problems. Sugary products should be made more expensive to encourage people to consume less sugar. Do you agree or disagree?

#food #drink #products #level #sugars #health #people #sugar
Nowadays, an increasing number of
people
 use ready-made food and sugary drinks which are unhealthy and potentially cause many diseases. There is a statement saying that if the cost of sugary goods increases, individuals would be encouraged to consume them less.
Although
personally
Add a comma
,personally
show examples
 I agree with
this
 argument, I believe government should not restrict
people
’s choices. As mentioned earlier, there is an argument claiming that a rise in the price of unhealthy
products
 could decrease their consumption. The
first
 and foremost reason is with spending less money,
people
 can utilize less sugary foods and drinks as well as healthier.
Additionally
, if government emphasizes the diseases
such
 as high blood sugar and diabetes and
also
 raises the price of these
products
, more and more
people
 would care more about their health and diet and not use
products
 containing high levels of sugar.
For instance
, some studies have revealed the cost of
products
 has a remarkable effect on
people
’s choices.
In other words
, the more expensive a product is, the fewer
people
 buy that even though it is healthier.
Accordingly
, making expensive could be substantially impressive on decisions. Despite what has been mentioned, I believe making some types of manufactured foods and drinks more expensive does not have any effect on wealthy
people
.
Moreover
, there are some
people
could
Correct pronoun usage
who could
show examples
 not afford to buy these
products
 anymore, so inequality will happen in society.
In addition
, the decisions of ordinary
people
 will be restricted and they feel less welfare and pleasant in their life.
Therefore
, authorities should be responsible for
people
’s welfare and allow them to make their own decision without budget forces. In conclusion,
people
 have a personal preference for their diet, and governments have provided nutrition labels on the
products
 which are available to anyone.
Thus
, there is no need to make some specific goods more expensive.
Submitted by neginandnilofar.2023 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Support ideas with relevant, specific examples

Examples make your writing easier to understand by illustrating points more effectively.

Examples, if used properly, not only help you get higher marks for ‘Task Response’ but also for ‘Coherence’.

When giving examples it is best to put them after your main idea or topic sentence. They can be used in the middle of supporting sentences or they can be used to start a new sentence. There is no rule for where exactly to give examples in essays, logically they would come after your main idea/topic sentence or just after a supporting sentence.

Linking words for giving examples:

  • for example
  • for instance
  • to illustrate this
  • to give a clear example
  • such as
  • namely
  • to illustrate
  • take, for example

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: