IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 4

Some think that children should start school as early as possible, while others believe that they should start school at the age of seven. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.

#think #children #school #age #seven
Educators believe that determining whether a child is ready for preschool or
kindergarten
 is a big decision. Arguably,
age
 is the most important
amongst
Change preposition
among
show examples
 other factors in
this
decision making
Add a hyphen
decision-making
show examples
. The advocates of early schooling base their argument on the fact that
brain
 development begins around
age
 2 and concludes around
age
 7. According to
them
Add a comma
,them
show examples
this
 critical period provides a prime opportunity to lay the foundation for
a
Remove the article
apply
show examples
holistic education for children. For in
this
 period the number of
connections
 between
brain
 cells doubles. Two-year-olds have twice as many
connections
 as adults. It is
these
Change preposition
through these
show examples
connections
 between
brain
 cells
where
Correct word choice
that
show examples
 learning occurs. Twice as many
connections
 enable the
brain
 to learn faster.
Therefore
 learning in
this
 phase has
Add a hyphen
long-lasting
show examples
long
Add an article
a long
show examples
 lasting effect on their development.
In
contrast
Add a comma
,contrast
show examples
 the idea of school-at-age7 has its own merits. By
this
age
Add a comma
,age
show examples
 a child would become comparatively more socially
matured
Wrong verb form
mature
show examples
who
Correct word choice
and
show examples
 can sit still, behave well enough to learn and is easy to discipline.
Moreover
, the kid would have better communication skills and need less support in
day to day
Add a hyphen
day-to-day
show examples
 activities in school.
Although
this
 topic is debatable
but
Remove the conjunction
apply
show examples
I think
age
 6 is the ideal
age
 for
kindergarten
 because at
this
age
 a child is ready, cognitively, socially and emotionally. A recent study conducted by Stanford University has established that the kids who started
kindergarten
 at
age
 6 had better test scores and better self-control by the time they reached 7 and 11 years. Having said that, I think
kindergarten
 should be preceded by
an
Change the article
a
show examples
 year of preschool which will develop in children a drive to learn. Preschool provides an environment for children to explore, gain a sense of self, play with peers and build
self confidence
Add a hyphen
self-confidence
show examples
.
Submitted by imsatwinswe123 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • Cognitive development
  • Social skills
  • Competitive advantage
  • Extended childhood
  • Educational system
  • Developmental stages
  • Psychological readiness
  • Curriculum
  • Peer interaction
  • Childhood development
  • Learning environment
What to do next:
Look at other essays: