IELTS Writing Correction Service /
Writing Samples /
Band 5.5

Young people who commit serious crimes should be punished in the same way as adults. Do you agree or disagree

#people #crimes #adults
Juvenile delinquency is of increasing concern in modern society. What degree of
punishment
 should be imposed on those teenagers is a controversial issue.Personally, I deem that penalty is necessary, but rehabilitation should be in the
first
 place. To commence with, young criminals deserve the
punishment
 as we need to make those delinquents realize the serious results they have caused and account for the outcomes.
In addition
, the sanction
also
 has a deterrent effect on other teenagers, for which the youth crime rate will reduce.
However
, the penalty on the youth should be to some extent alleviated in proportion to that on adults. The main reason is that the likelihood of moulding teenagers' character is much larger because those young people are staying in their formative years when they can readily absorb new knowledge and correct their mistakes. Supposing that a young criminal was sent to prison for decades, where he would be accompanied by criminals the same as him but with no teachers and peers, he would lose the opportunity to continue studying and his prospect would be destroyed definitely.
Therefore
, properly guide and discipline are primary to these adolescents and counselling services should be provided by governments, since juvenile delinquency is usually the outcome of lacking companionship and moral cultivation. Overall, it is essential to punish young criminals, but the
punishment
 should be mitigated since we need to put our focus on reform rather than the
punishment
 itself.
Submitted by daixiaoyi11037 on

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site’s author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

Fully explain your ideas

To get an excellent score in the IELTS Task 2 writing section, one of the easiest and most effective tips is structuring your writing in the most solid format. A great argument essay structure may be divided to four paragraphs, in which comprises of four sentences (excluding the conclusion paragraph, which comprises of three sentences).

For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

What to do next:
Look at other essays: