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Band 4.5

Some believe that technology, such as mobile phones, cell phones are destroying social interaction. Do you agree or disagree?

#believe #technology #phones #cell #interaction
As we all know, mobile phones and other advanced electronic devices
has
Change the verb form
have
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 become
crucial
Add an article
a crucial
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 part of our daily life and some people believe that
this
 advancement in technology is ruining the social interaction between folks. Personally, I agree with
this
 statement that it is affecting the social links of people and I will state the reasons in the
further
 paragraphs to support
this
 statement.
Firstly
, as I have mentioned before that it affects the communication abilities because
this
 generation is spending most of their time online,
for example
, in our everyday routine, we see youngsters using their smartphones even in public, which is distracting them enormously and they are preferring using their Mobile phones rather than interacting with persons around them, which is destroying their social life and it leads them to become an introvert and
then
 they feel shy and nervous to introduce themselves to the society, which is harmful
for
Change the preposition
to
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 their future because it would be burdensome for them to talk to individuals.
Furthermore
, It
also
impinge
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impinges
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their
Change preposition
on their
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 views about
the
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their
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 surroundings because growth in technology has made social media an important part and it is leading their thoughts
to
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in
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wrong
Change the article
the wrong
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 direction about people, as, we have seen many negative comments about
persons
Replace the word
people
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 online, which I believe made youngsters afraid to approach others as they have disbeliefs about them and
this
 indirectly making an impact on their future and social life. To sum up, I have tried to prove my opinion about
this
 statement that technology
such
 as smartphones and social media has impacted
the
Correct article usage
apply
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teenagers wrongly and
stopping
Wrong verb form
stopped
show examples
 them to interact with folks.
Submitted by hk2192611 on

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For we to consider an essay structure a great one, it should be looking like this:

  • Paragraph 1 - Introduction
    • Sentence 1 - Background statement
    • Sentence 2 - Detailed background statement
    • Sentence 3 - Thesis
    • Sentence 4 - Outline sentence
  • Paragraph 2 - First supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 3 - Second supporting paragraph
    • Sentence 1 - Topic sentence
    • Sentence 2 - Example
    • Sentence 3 - Discussion
    • Sentence 4 - Conclusion
  • Paragraph 4 - Conclusion
    • Sentence 1 - Summary
    • Sentence 2 - Restatement of thesis
    • Sentence 3 - Prediction or recommendation

Our recommended essay structure above comprises of fifteen (15) sentences, which will make your essay approximately 250 to 275 words.

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