IELTS Writing Correction Service
Writing Samples
Band 5.5

In spite of the advances made in agriculture, many people around the world still go hungry. Why is this the case? What can be done about this problem?

✨ Do you want to improve your IELTS writing?
Nowadays,
although
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 the agricultural industry has developed Significantly, there are lots of people who suffer from a lack of food. There are several reasons for
this
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 problem and various measures can be taken by governments and farmers to address
mentioned
Add an article
the mentioned

The noun phrase mentioned issue seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article.

show examples
 issue. In
this
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 essay, the reasons for the problem and some possible solutions will be analysed. First of all, in spite of modern facilities which are available in some areas, the lack of natural resources
such
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 as fertile soil and freshwater has reduced the number of agricultural products.
Furthermore
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, some European countries which benefit from suitable situations in terms of agricultural machines and natural resources, are keen on organic crops which are produced in less amount in comparison with conventional yields, in terms of cultivated land and other resources which are needed.
On the other hand
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, most people who go hungry are really poor and live in developing countries which are not able to afford modern facilities, so they suffer from starvation. A case in point is Africa.
Secondly
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, two effective ways to tackle the mentioned issue are GM crops and the better distribution of wealth.
As genetically
Correct word choice
Genetically

It seems that conjunction use may be incorrect here.

show examples
 modified crops play a key role
to tackle
Change preposition
in tackling

It seems that preposition use may be incorrect here.

show examples
mentioned
Add an article
the mentioned

The noun phrase mentioned crisis seems to be missing a determiner before it. Consider adding an article.

show examples
 crisis and
this
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 method can meet more demands of an increasing world population. It is a better idea to replace organic food with GM products.
In addition
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, appropriate distribution of international subsidies can provide developing countries with more modern agricultural machines,
such
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 as high-tech irrigation systems, and modified seeds to increase the amount of yield.
Thus
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

, poverty and starvation may be decreased. In conclusion, not only the intelligent distribution of wealth should be done to provide more farmers with more agricultural systems and materials, but
also
Linking Words

Usage of linking words is important in IELTS writing. They help create clear connections between ideas in your writing. They improve the flow of your essay by showing relationships between paragraphs and sentences. Using appropriate linking words demonstrates your ability to write cohesively and will help you achieve a higher band score.

 favourable organic yields should be decreased and replaced by products that genetic engineering has brought.

Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission from this site's author and/or owner is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Writing9 with appropriate and specific direction to the original content.

task response
Ensure that the introduction and conclusion clearly address the essay prompt and provide a concise overview of the main points.
coherence and cohesion
Use clear and explicit transition words and phrases throughout the essay to ensure smooth progression of ideas and logical connections between sentences and paragraphs.

Answer the 'Problem and Solution' topic

Problem-and-solution essays fall naturally into two parts, the first describing and exploring the problem, the second setting out the solution or solutions.

You essay structure should look something like this:

  • Introduction
  • Body paragraph 1 – Problems
  • Body paragraph 2 – Solutions
  • Conclusion

Examples to start your body paragraph:

  • One of the first problems of the...
  • Another problem that needs to be considered...
  • A possible solution to this problem would be...
  • One immediate practical solution is to...

Discover more tips in The Ultimate Guide to Get a Target Band Score of 7+ »— a book that's free for 🚀 Premium users.

Topic Vocabulary:
  • inequality
  • distribution
  • access to resources
  • climate change
  • natural disasters
  • political factors
  • economic factors
  • agricultural practices
  • infrastructure
  • transportation
  • population growth
  • education
  • knowledge
  • food waste
What to do next:
Look at other essays: